Behind Closed Doors

Eight

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I even got to this point in my life. How I went from being so happy and in love with the father of my children to this. I get to watch Darrin and Miranda be happy while I'm being abused and raising kids alone. It's fucking awful. I'm sitting on a park bench watching Leon and Acen run around the playground. The wind picks up and blows their curly hair around. All the smiles. They're so full of joy and don't see any flaws in this world. It's beautiful. Don't you wish you could be a child again sometimes? I find myself lost in thought more than anything lately. I'm depressed. I'm six months pregnant with someone's baby who I don't even talk to anymore. I found out it's another boy though. Which in a way, sort of pisses me off even more. Zeke. I like that name. Ezekial to be exact. To be honest, I heard the name on The Walking Dead, and fell in love instantly.

I moved out of my mom's house about two weeks ago and into my own house. It's a three bedroom and super cute. I feel accomplished, but alone when the boys' go to Darrin's. Since we've been gone, my mom has us over for dinner every Sunday night. As I'm pulling into her driveway, there's a strange care in the driveway. Well, to be fair, not strange. Just one that isn't usually there. That's odd. She usually always tells me when she's going to have company over. Unstrapping the boys' from their car seats, I shuffle them to the front door.

"Come on boys, let's go!"

They take off running the moment their feet hit the ground. My mom and Taylor, my stepdad, open the door with their usual, "Come on babies, and come to grandma and grandpa." The boys' seriously adore my mom and Taylor. Walking through the door, I look up and ask my mom, "Hey, whose car is that?"

"That's my friend Lena's. You remember Lena right? I use to work with her."

Oh yeah. The chick who always gave me candy whenI was a super little kid. She also had a pet parrot. It was pretty cool. Lena'ssitting at the dining room table when I walk in. She has short dirty blondhair, big hazel eyes, and the biggest smile ever. Like, the most genuine smileI've ever seen. Lena radiates good auras. I waddle overto her and give her a tight squeeze. "HiLena. How have you been?"

"I've been great dear. How about you? I see that beautiful little bump."

Lena reaches over and rubs my belly, smiling super big. Usually I don't let anyone touch my stomach, but it's different with Lena. She has a wife back in Arizona who owns a grocery store franchise and they've been wanting a baby forever. I know it's something she's always wanted, so it doesn't bother me that much. Lena mainly stays at home with their dogs and relaxes while her wife works. Living the good life, ya know. My mom pulls a chair back from the table while Taylor takes the boys' outside to play. My mom doesn't hesitate to talk as soon he is out the door.

"Liz, Lena isn't here just because she's in town again. She's here to discuss Zeke."

The shocked look must have been apparent on my face. Lena quickly begins talking, "Honey, I spoke to your mom, and we had discussed the option for adoption. We both know how hard your pregnancy has been along with the break up from Darrin. We are worried another baby will send you over the edge." Lena reaches over and grabs my hand. She rubs the top of it with her thumb. Lena has always made me feel so calm. I don't even know what to think. I know I haven't talked to Tye since court. He hasn't reached out to check in or see how we are doing. Maybe this would be for the better.

My mom looks up and continues, "Not to mention Lizzy, the incident you had after Acen was born. Do you think you could handle something like that?" She looks worried. As she should be. When Acen was five weeks old, I had went back to work way too soon. It caused me to fall into a psychosis. I was literally seeing shit and I thought Darrin was trying to kidnap the kids. Awful. I don't say anything immediately. Basically shocked. I can't even sit here and say I haven't thought about it myself. I just didn't know what kind of options I would have. The idea of dealing with Tye the rest of my life frightens me. If this is how he acts while I'm pregnant, what would he do to Zeke if he pissed him off? He doesn't even know the baby is a boy. The both of them are just staring at me. There's an awkward silence, so I glance up and say, "Let me think of everything. I'm not completely sure this is something that I would want to do. We would have to look up all the legalities as well. If we can get around not telling Tye that would be the best option."

Lena responds, "Okay honey. We didn't expect you to have a definite answer today. Just know, the option is available with someone you know. You know we would love Zeke as if he were our own." She begins showing me pictures of her house in Arizona. It's beautiful. She has a huge pool in her backyard. There isn't much grass with it being Arizona though. I ask her if she's aware of the entire Tye situation. "Your mom has told me what has been happening. We would prefer if we did adopt Zeke that Tye was not involved. He doesn't seem like he is stable enough to handle a situation like this."

I completely agree with her. We swap stories and update each other on what's been new in our lives. Not much with mine that she hasn't already heard, obviously. After the boys' eat dinner and I'm loading them into the car, my mom grabs my hand and looks directly into my eyes. "Please Lizzy. Please consider this. You know Lena and Haley would give Zeke the best life possible. He would know who you and the boys are. He would understand why you chose what you chose." She gives me a big hug and kisses me on the forehead. "I love you, my baby. Always." It's weird. My mom is the least affectionate person ever besides to my kids. So I know she's serious. Trying to hold back tears, I gulp and nod my head. "I love you too, mom."

Driving back to my house, my hands are shaking. I am so confused. What do I do? Do I need to decide right now? Should I even tell Tye? It's not like he cares anyways. He hasn't even reached out to ask when my doctor appointments are. He's probably already evicted, so Lord knows who he's living with now. Probably some poor girl he's using this time.

After I read the boys' their bedtime story and give them their goodnight kisses, I walk into my bedroom and close the door. As soon as I hit the pillow, I'm sobbing. Oh Zeke, what have I done? What did I bring you into? I never wanted any of this. Hell, I didn't even want another baby. Back then, Tye refuses to let me use birth control because "only whores who fuck multiple guys need birth control." Now I see it was just a rouse to keep me to himself forever. A big trap.

Wiping my eyes, I lean down and grab my phone.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Wassup?"

My hearts thumping, I haven't heard his voice in two months..

I wonder how this will go.