White paint

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Constance's POV

It was Tuesday and Louis still didn't attend any of his classes. To be honest, I was getting worried. Zayn told me that he was going to be okay, but of course I'm still a bit uneasy.

So when Louis called me and asked me to go to his place (the one with the treehouse), I didn't hesitate to go there right away.

"Where are you headed?" Zayn asked as I opened my car door.

"To Louis."

"You need a ride?"

"I'll be fine. Go to class."

"But I want to hear what he has to say, so if you're scared of my driving, you can drive for us." He said as he moved to the passenger seat. At first I thought that Zayn was being stubborn again, but I realized that he also deserves an explanation.

He drove me to the house and gestured for me to go ahead.

"You're not coming?" I asked him.

"Go ahead, I just need time to breathe."

As soon as he said that, I entered the house and saw Louis on the couch with his head buried in his hands. When he heard the door click, he stood up and I saw that his eyes were swollen.

"Louis, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were--" I said as I approached him.

I ruined their relationship. I feel like a monster.

"I thought you were going to be mad at me." He said while looking into my eyes. It was the first time I've ever seen him so fragile, so vulnerable.

"I can never be mad at you. If anything, I should be the one apologizing."

"Look, when I was trying to play matchmaker between you and Zayn, I really did it because I wanted him to be happy. I didn't do it so I could get Harry all to myself because I know that's impossible. I did that because you're the one who can truly change Zayn."

I was shocked at what he just said because never have I thought about him wanting me and Zayn to be together just so I would break up with Harry. I trust Louis. No matter how sassy he can be, I know he really means well.

"When Harry told me about dating you, I was furious. But then I thought about how much he was hurting seeing me and Eleanor together when he can't even hold my hand in public without being judged, I allowed him." He continued.

"I never got mad at you, Lou. It's just that you should've just trusted me and told me about it before you let me fall for Harry."

"But did you? Fall for Harry, I mean." He asks.

I paused for an awful amount of time. I didn't know what I should tell him because I also didn't know if I did.

Sure, I like him a lot, but I've never really felt like he was with me, you know? It felt like everytime he's with me, his full attention's on me bit right after, he feels so far away.

Now I know how much he loves Louis. I mean, you have to love the person before you have to be willing to keep your secret relationship for that long, right?

"I like him, but I don't love him yet. Well, I won't love him THAT way anymore, I know he loves you." I told him.

"I was the one who chose to hide our relationship. I don't wanna come out. Ladies love me, ladies love him. We both do not like ladies. But what we both like is to keep our reputations."

"Zayn calls it 'white paint'.," He continues. "He told me about how your clean white slate or your image could get tainted with lots of different colors because of the things you do. But being gay isn't really making an impact on the clean slate because it's white paint. It's still the same, still white paint. It's like being gay. It's still paint, It's just that people think it's unusual because no one really uses white paint, every paint has a definite, designated color and white just changes it. But it's no different from other types of paint. In fact, coming out, just pouring white paint on the slate just makes it go back to how it used to be, erasing the things that made you different from how you were before. I used to hate it when Zayn used metaphors like roller coasters and stuff, but damn is he good."

Louis was now smiling, lighting up the mood.

"What about Eleanor?" It was probably not the best question, but I really wanted to know.

"Eleanor's my girlfriend. We went through the whole process of forming a real relationship. When I've gotten comfortable with her, I came out. At first, she was shocked that she didn't talk to me for a long time, making the school think that we already broke up. But eventually, she decided to help me by being my beard and kept my secret for as long as I want her to."

Right after he explained, I noticed that Zayn was standing behind Louis, leaning on the wall, listening to us. Louis turned around and saw him and then there was an uncomfortable silence.

"Why didn't you tell me it was Harry?" He asked Louis. His eyes were intense, his breathing was irregular. It was obvious that he was trying to compose himself.

"I didn't know how to. If only you agreed to meet him the first time, I wouldn't have had to hide it from you!" Louis explained.

"You're going to put the blame on me, really? What do you expect Harry to do? Go on with his relationship with Constance and then break her heart when you finally decide to reveal your relationship just because you're not brave enough to to tell the world?" Zayn wasn't leaning on the wall anymore, he was getting closer and closer to Louis. I hope he doesn't punch him because I don't know how to break up guy fights.

"YOU were the one who wasn't brave enough to tell the world that you sing because you're scared of ruining your image because you're too stubborn to deal with change!" Louis said.

They were getting too close to each other when Louis turned around and sat back down on the couch.

Zayn did the same thing and I couldn't help but wonder about how calm they are about the situation. Are they always like this whenever they fight? I was expecting punches and foul words but thank God I don't have to witness any of that.

"Um guys, do you want me to leave so you can talk privately?" I asked them.

"Stay with me please." Zayn said as he held my hand. I looked at Louis and he just nodded, so I sat beside Zayn and didn't let go of his hand.

"I'm sorry, okay? I just... I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused." Louis said.

"You're not confused. You're scared. Confusion means having no definite idea. But you do have a definite idea, definite feeling, you're just afraid of what they will say. Remember what you told me when I was just starting my youtube page? You told me that you're going to support me all the way. And you did, up until I have revealed my identity to my viewers. That's how I'm gonna be for you. Take as much time as you need. I will support you." Zayn said with his other hand on Louis's shoulder.

As soon as Zayn was done with his little monologue, Louis started crying. Zayn hugged him that was when I realized the true meaning of Bestfriendship.

HI guys!!!!

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