Marry Me

Chapter 15

     The next morning I startled myself awake. I had dreamed that Alondra walked in while I mad about with Chelsea. Before I could explain, Alondra shot me.

     I didn't blame her. I felt like scum. I bailed on the party soon after that and took a cab back to my dorm. My room mate hadn't come home last night, which was fine by me. I needed to beat myself up over this privately.

     You aren't exclusively dating Alondra. You didn't really do anything wrong. My brain tried really hard to absolve me of any guilt, but in my heart I knew that I had screwed up. I needed to decide what to do about this.

     So I picked up my phone and texted Chelsea.

     "Hey, it was great to see you last night. Did you enjoy the party?" I sent the message and waited twenty agonizing minutes for my phone to ding. It was almost noon, and I was suprised Chelsea was awake this early. Hung over Chelsea tended to sleep well into the afternoon.

     "You were at the party? I'm sorry but honestly the last thing I remember was my 3rd shot of tequila... then it's all a blur." She wrote back.

     My head started to spin. She didn't remember. I sagged back against my pillows with relief. Well, that was one problem solved. Lord knows I wasn't going to tell her. That seemed to be the best idea I could come up with.

     I texted back a short response about how I only saw her in passing, but it looked like she had fun.

     I dragged myself out of bed and was gathering up my post shower clothes, when my phone rang. I figured it was Alondra as I crossed my room back to my bed, but to my suprise, Mario's name was displayed across my screen.

     My heart kicked up again as I slowly answered the call.

     "Hey Mario, what's up?" I asked. I felt sorry gnaw at my chest. Was Alondra okay? I hadn't texted her yet. Did something happen?

     "Hey dude. Listen, we need to have a chat. Brother to... whatever you are." His tone was serious. My mouth started to go dry again. I sat down on my bed and cleared my throat.

     "Um, okay. What about?"
     "Look, I know that you and my sister haven't been seeing each other very long, but I can tell she is really starting to fall for you."

     "Really?" I asked, a bit suprised. It had been a few months since we met, but could she really like me that much?

     "Really. Now, every time I ask her what the deal is between you two, she tells me it's complicated. Now, I'm a man too and I know what "complicated" can mean. So here is where my issue lies with you. You're stringing her along. You can't talk daily and both drive hours and hours as often as possible to see each other and not commit.

     'It's been what... three months of this now? If you were a local boy it would be different but she takes time off work to see you, and loses sleep to talk to you around your schedule. You need to figure out if you want her, or not. I'm not going to let her fall in love with you just for you to drop her like a sack of rocks."

     I didn't respond. I didn't know how to respond. Everything Mario said to me was true. I needed to commit or get the hell out. What I was doing wasn't fair to her.

     Finally, I croaked out "You're right." Mario said "Good, I'm glad you see that. I like you, Chris. You're a good guy, but you need to get whatever shit you are going through together before you drag my sister in too deep. Have a good day, man. See ya later.

     Then the line went dead. I sighed and dropped my phone onto my sheets. I sat forward and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.

     "You need to get whatever shit you are going through together before you drag my sister in too deep." That sentence echoed through my mind like a broken record in an empty ball room.

     My hand went for my phone multiple times, but always stopped and fell back to my side. All I wanted was to text Alondra... but this wasn't fair to her. I couldn't keep stringing her along like this. I need to commit or bail... but I didn't want to call her my girlfriend when I still thought of Chelsea.

     In my defense I was starting to think of her less and less... but she was still there. She still made my heart contract everytime she smiled, and I always answered her calls a bit too quickly for someone trying to get a new girlfriend.

    Most days I felt pretty good... but not all of them. I didn't think it was right to tell Alondra I wanted her and only her, when I clearly still had one toe in the Chelsea pool.

     Images from last night crept into my minds eye again. How she looked at me, how she kissed me, and how even though I knew it was wrong, I continued to kiss her back. Alondra didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve Alondra and her unwavering patience. 

     Eventually, I tossed my phone onto my desk and numbly shuffled into the bathroom. I looked at my reflection and outloud said "You won't do this to her. She's better off without you."

     Then, I turned on the shower, and tried to scrub off the sick feelings of saddness, guilt, and anger that radiated off me like waves.