Never Surrender [ Snape x Lupin ]

Chapter Four

Snape remembers quite well how he reacted when Dumbledore told him he invited Remus Lupin to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and politely made him promise to prepare Wolfsbane for him. It was a double punch in the stomach, to say the least. Just the idea of confronting someone who reminded him of his school years made him feel nervous, awkward, exposed and out of place, exactly how he felt walking alone in those corridors when he was younger listening people whisper mean things about him as he passed. Everyone there seemed to build lasting friendships, have fun, enjoy going to Hogsmeade and sharing things about their vacations. Meanwhile, he had the constant feeling he was missing out on all that, just watching other people live what he wanted for himself. Even if someone eventually accepted him as a friend, Snape was aware no one was remotely similar to him on his personality. Which is fine, the idea of having friends totally different from him didn't seem bad, it was just the thought, it added to his loneliness. It was unsettling to think that Lupin would be there, he still had some hard feeling about how things went. He knew it was mostly Potter and Sirius who tormented him, but Snape couldn't fool himself thinking that whenever they would say bad things about him inside their group, Remus would tell them to stop. Snape had the mental image of Lupin also mocking him, not as openly, but enough to go along with his friends. And that, obviously, hurts. That hurt him before and still did when he first saw him after so many years.

Lupin also remembers when Dumbledore invited him to teach at Hogwarts, he was delighted to accept. The only thing that made him uncomfortable was knowing that it meant asking a huge favor to Snape. Dumbledore had already assured him he would have the potion, but it felt wrong to make Snape do this every month. Lupin never had a chance to apologize or to talk to him properly after school was over. He remembers talking to him occasionally at the library when they were younger, he liked his presence there. Lupin admired him since the first year, Snape was very talented, intelligent and disciplined on his studies, Remus never had a doubt Severus would be a powerful wizard one day. It was just awfully embarrassing to see him look relieved close the end of their last year. While so many of the students felt sad about leaving Hogwarts, Snape didn't have anyone to miss. He dedicated a lot and completed his task as a student. And that was all.

Their first conversations in Hogwarts as adults were cold and brief, mostly from Snape's side, Remus was trying to make it go smoother. By the time fo the second Wolfsbane, they would talk more to each other and Remus started to admit to himself that he was always wishing to see him around the castle. He locked the truth away when he was a teenager, but now it seemed silly to deny his attraction for Severus. The Slytherin had this mysterious aura surrounding him and although he didn't have an "obvious" type of beauty, he was charming in his own way.

Severus was too reluctant to accept his own sexuality when he was a teenager to notice on Remus. He knew the young werewolf was handsome but denied any kind of attraction to him or any other man. Being this different from others wasn't something he wanted to add to his struggle. So the years passed until he started being more open-minded about the matter. Snape eventually accepted himself and kept it as a secret, sometimes rethinking about the men he might have felt something for when he was growing up, almost searching for clues. Remus crossed his mind here and there, but apparently, Snape was too good on concealing his emotions, his teenagehood didn't accuse much.

All that haze of the past lingered on the air when they saw each other nowadays, but that night Snape ran to the forest to save Lupin changed their dynamics. It opened a gate for possibilities, if not now, then when? When else could they give it a try on everything they could have shared?

With that in mind, Snape started to think about what they could do Friday night when it was just Monday morning. He didn't have a clue. By Wednesday, he tried to sneak the subject into their conversation while they talked through an empty corridor. Lupin said he had very simple things in mind and that he shouldn't worry about it and if he wanted to drink something more interesting than juice, he would follow his lead.