Never Surrender [ Snape x Lupin ]

Chapter Eleven

Remus was under the impression that maybe this lunar cycle was not as difficult as the previous months that anticipated the incident in the woods. He experienced some excessive tiredness sometimes, had dreams about hunting and felt a familiar frustration but up inside him when it came to finding food that would satisfy his cravings. But he didn't feel irritability the way he did before and even feeling nauseous about some scents in specific days of the cycle, it was all bearable. Until now. The week before the transformation was a nightmare to him, worst than last month for sure. It almost seemed as if all the symptoms of lycanthropy agreed to fuse into different, and new, manifestations.

This month the manifestations were more at a psychological level. Remus was more sensitive to light and scent as he would normally be, but that was nothing compared to what was going on inside his mind.

Only two nights after staying with Severus, where he was confident enough about himself to undress in front of the other, were enough to change everything. Remus was dealing with extreme discomfort about his image, not only feeling bad about scars and weight but also having a hard time assimilating his body as his own. It didn't matter what he did, he just couldn't feel comfortable on his skin and looking down on himself, all his proportions seemed to be wrong. This was a touchy thing for him, he didn't like to admit he worried about something that seemed so futile.

Lupin was almost grateful that, for being such an exaggerated sensation of dread about himself, it was fairly easy for him to know this wasn't real. He speculated this was happening because in less than a week he would turn into something completely different and since now he was always conscious during it, shapeshifting into something you hate could cause some type of distortions on his perception. And still, it didn't make it any less cruel. He truly felt as if that was true, that people were seeing him the way he saw himself.

This morning, in particular, was a hard one. Lupin woke up and decided to avoid looking at himself too much. Which was going fine until he touched his face and realized he had to shave. The task itself didn't take long but the harm was already done. Nothing in the world could dismiss this haze of disgust and strangeness he felt while looking at himself. He also didn't want to feel his body at all, but just like everyone, he had to get changed. It also didn't help when he felt his body be wrapped on clothes that were tighter than his pajamas. Something that would go unnoticed all the time, but not today.

Severus was disappointed he hadn't seen Remus yet. He took his time eating to make sure he wouldn't miss his company but apparently, it didn't matter how long you try to stretch the life span of toast in your plate, eventually, you will run out of it.

Dumbledor was exchanging some looks with Minerva, who shrugged, meaning she also had no idea where Lupin could be. The old wizard could almost swear he saw some tenderness on Minerva's expression while she glanced at Snape. Almost saying that he would survive until lunch.

When Lupin entered his classroom, the last students were also making their way to the desks. It was rather dark inside, so he opened the windows as he passed.

Looking at the students, he noticed practically all of them had a potions book opened and notes were being exchanged like precious goods from the black market.

"Good morning everyone" Remus said in a clear tone to catch their attention

When you're a teacher, you grow used to people staring at you, but today this was such a delicate matter, he didn't want to be seen by anyone. So he decided to try something different.

"As I can see by the textbooks, you will all be taking a test in the second part of the morning, am I right?" Remus asked with his crooked smile

Some brave students nodded, looking at their open books nervously.