Distraction

Eleven

Clarence smiled as she drew circles on his chest. His chest was golden from the sun with a tattoo of a minimalist fox on his waistline. The memories from last night resurfaced as she kissed his neck gently, not to wake him.

"I love you, Clare." He mumbled into her neck as her hands were buried into his hair.

"Then show me." Her eyes twinkled mischief as he smiled in response.

His warmth wrapped around her as he slept. Her body was knitted into his side as she breathed him in. She smiled as she thought of him, yet she lost her smile when she remembered their forever binding goodbye. She was too lost in his smile to remember the reason for her visit to L.A.

"Clarence, is that you?" The man before her looked dumbfounded. Clarence looked at him with a small smile.

She sat up from her bed with the sheets hugging her chest as she took her last look at him. She slipped from bed before finding herself in his crinkled white shirt and her own leggings. She slipped a white crinkled paper from under the mattress into the pocket of the shirt before leaving the room.

She stepped into her kitchen with the thought of eggs as she hummed. A melody of sadness left her lips as she cooked. Her thoughts were racing as she poured the food on two plates. The yellow eggs mocked her with their bright colors and promises. Austin walked through her kitchen doors wearing only his pants with a sleepy smile on his face.

"Good morning, beautiful." He smiled as he pull her into his arms for a kiss. She pulled away with a small smile. "I feel like this is a dream."

"I promise it isn't a dream." Clarence sighed as she rested her head on his chest. "Dreams usually have good endings."

"What does that mean?" Austin asked as Clarence led him to the table were a plate of eggs and a pill bottle awaited him. "What are the pills for?"

"About seven months ago, I went to the doctors. I had migraines and nausea pretty bad. I was relieved when I wasn't pregnant." Clarence laughed as though it was a joke. "They found out I had brain cancer like my mom did which is rare. They didn't think I'd be at risk for it actually. Then I wrote a bucket list; it brought me here."

"This isn't funny, Clarence." Austin's voice was hard as he felt his throat close up. His mind raced with thoughts as he looked at her. "I just got you back."

"I have two years left. I could spend it with you, but I understand if you want me to go. I should have told you this, but I was so caught up in my feelings for you. I'm sorry I was selfish" She laid a hand on his arm when he didn't respond. "Justin and Faith don't know yet, so I will need to make a trip down there."

"Is there anything you can do?" Austin asked as his eyes glared at the pill bottle. He hated the unfairness of it all.

"My doctor and I are discussing surgery or chemotherapy. However, it might not work. I may die on the table or the drugs won't fix the issue." Clarence held his hands tighter. "And I didn't have a reason to try to live before."

"What about now?" He asked with barely a voice left as he met her hazel eyes. His blue eyes held regret and hurt.

"I think I might have found a reason." Clarence smiled. "However, nothing has to be decided right now."

"Was I on the list?" Austin asked with a tear staining his face. "Your bucket list?"

"You were number one on the list. I wanted to find you while I was here to say you were right. Justin wasn't who I loved, yet I wasn't going to tell you about the cancer. In fact, I was going to see you right before I left in a month. I doubt I will leave now though." Clarence said as she drew circle on the back of his hand. Austin stood abruptly from the chair to pull Clarence into his arms.

"I can't lose you forever. I almost died the first time, Clare. I will always love you." He muffled into her hair as she kept herself from crying. She almost thought he would turn her away. She almost thought he would hate her.

"And I will forever love you, Austin. My forever will just be shorter than yours." She smiled as she held to him. His sobs were muffled by her shoulder as he leaned against her. He needed her to be strong for the moment as he mourned her future death. When he was able to get ahold of himself again, he pushed away slightly to look at her. His face wet with tears and eyes red with puffiness.

"I want to be there for you, Clarence. Through all of it." He said as he kissed her forehead. "I want to be with you, Clarence. Through all of it."

"I'm glad to hear that, Austin." Clarence smiled as she felt her own tears fall. "But I'm not going to be the same by the end. You have to be ready to say goodbye to me before I die."

"I will never say goodbye to you, Clarence. We could even try some of those chemotherapy trials." She smiled at his use of 'we' before nodding. His arms still held her as though he was afraid she would disappear. "Can I see you bucket list?"

She smiled as she handed him her list. His eyes scanned the page with a raised eyebrow.

"I want to do number eight with you right now." He smiled as he looked at her. Excitement hid behind his eyes as he stared at her. She smiled with shock.

"Are you sure? Shouldn't you think about this?" Clarence asked with wonder in her eyes as Austin shook his head.

"I've been thinking about this for years, Clarence." He smiled as he pulled her into a kiss.

Sorry for the wait lovelies! I got so distracted (pun definitely intended) with my life. Anyways, if you are feeling generous, please leave a comment/vote. Also, did you see the cancer thing coming?