The Silence

Chapter Thirty One

A/N: I'm so happy that there are so many of you who have been reading this little story of mine of the beginning. It makes me sad that it's finishing now, but I'm really, really glad I got to the end lol. You don't know how rare it is for me to actually FINISH a story. I've enjoyed writing about Saint and Julian and I hope you've enjoyed reading about them. This is the last Chapter, but there will be an epilogue coming up so... ❤😘💑🙏🙆 Thank you again for reading.

Julian:

I watched Saint as he rushed down the stairs, jogged down my driveway and got into his car to leave. Shit. I knew it had probably been too soon to tell him about leaving school, but it seemed better to disappoint him now rather than later. I sighed and was getting up when I noticed Saint had left behind his pack of cigarettes. I took them with me back inside the house and traipsed back up to my room slowly. I was still so tired. There'd been so many tests at the hospital today, and watching my mother's face pull with each one had been almost as painful as waking up and not hearing anymore.
It didn't seem right. She hadn't asked for me to be her child, and she shouldered the burden of my...disability on her own. She didn't even have anyone to lean on. It had made sense at the time for me to offer to relieve that burden just a little. Tutors were much cheaper than full school tuition.

Later, I was quiet when I opened the door for my mom. Quiet during dinner and quiet when she tried to get me to stop doing the dishes for her.
'Jules.' I saw her say, but I ignored it and made my way back to my room. I just didn't feel like talking right now. I couldn't even hear myself speak. It was frustrating and it was constantly stressing me out that my voice was much louder than I always intended it to be when I spoke. That was a thing, right? Like people who had headphones on.

Saint would tell me if I was being loud though. He hadn't said anything about it, so maybe I was just being paranoid for nothing. Thinking about Saint made me even more morose. A quick check of my phone showed nobnew texts and my heart squeezed in my chest. Was he really that upset? I hadn't even managed to find a way to pay him back for the phone in my hands. How on earth could I possibily pay him back for something as big as school. No, there was no way in was going to let him pay for that.
I missed him though. I'd been missing him all day sitting in cold hospital rooms and thinking about being curled up together with him in his bed. A hot blush started in my cheeks and I knew my ears were red. As nice as it would be do to THAT again, it was really just his warmth that I missed. And his smell. Saint had the best smell.

My eyes went to his pack of smokes sitting on my desk. I had one in my hand before I thought too much about it. It took me a few tries to get a flame from the lighter, but when I did, I held it to the paper and it caught immediately. A sweet smoky smell filled my room and I sat back with a smile. I didn't smoke it. It had been horrible when I'd tried to back at the hospital, but I didn't need to. I just let it burn in my hand until it reached the butt, and lit one more to keep burning in the new ashtray I'd bought for him but hadn't found time to give him yet. It was the best night of sleep I'd had all week.

When I woke up the next morning and saw a text from Saint, my heart skipped a beat.

Saint: I'm sorry. 😞
Julian: It's OK. I'm sorry too.
Saint: Can I see you?
Julian: You have school today.
Saint: Babe. Seriously. Missing one day of school is not a big deal.
He'd already missed an entire week dealing with me and Landon last week, but I didn't mention that.
Saint: I'll be over soon.

"Shh." I held up a finger to my lips. "My mom has the day off today. She's asleep." I said and he nodded as he walked into the house. I led him up the stairs and into my room, closing the door behind us.
'Is this where they went?' Saint asked picking up his empty packet of cigarettes and shaking it. His face went pale when he saw the ashtray next to my bed. 'Julian, tell me you didn't smoke these.'
"Why is it OK for you, but not for me?" I asked and he looked at me like I was crazy. "It doesn't matter anymore. My ears." I muttered and he looked pained.
'Baby...'
"I didn't smoke them." I said. "I just lit them. I like the smell." I explained, moving close to him and breathing in the smell of his jacket. "It smells like you." I sighed happily when his arms went around me and pulled me closer. I relaxed against his chest and just stood there. His chest rumbled a short while later and I looked up at him.
'I said 'I'm sorry.' He said.
"It's - "
'It's not OK. I shouldn't get mad at you. It's not your fault. I'm really sorry.' He pursed his lips and brushed his thumb over my bottom lip. 'I missed you, and I was mad that I'd have to feel like that more often now.'
"I missed you too." I whispered and he held my chin as he leaned forward to kiss me. It felt like it had been ages since I felt his lips on mine. Felt his hands on me...
I tried to be conscious of making any noise, but I had to be honest and say I barely thought about it after I fell back on my bed. Saint was kissing me like he was starving and I was too weak to resist much. He felt so good and when his hands tangled into my hair, I was gone. I got lost in a haze of want and I couldn't find a single reason to not be.

I should have remembered, really. That we weren't alone in the house. It was the drugs, I told myself. Yes...the drugs. Not the drug that was Saint's kisses and how his hands knew just how to make me squirm. The other drugs. The ones that made me sleepy and forget that I hadn't locked my bedroom door.

My mother was standing by the door, looking vaguely horrified and a little green when I blinked myself awake sometime later that day.
"Mom..." Saint must have heard my voice, because he shifted in his sleep and his arm squeezed tighter around me. It made my mom shake out of her trance and close the door quickly. "Saint." I tapped at his arm. He groaned in a soft rumble and I tapped his arm again. "Saint, get up. Before my Mom kills us." I hissed. He lifted his head and frowned at me.
'Your mom loves me.'
"My mom just saw your ass. I don't think she feels the same way anymore." I mumbled and he looked around, confused.
'What?'
"Get up!"

We had a late lunch in the back garden, eating in silence. I couldn't taste any of my food. It all disintegrated on my tongue every time I thought of my mother opening my bedroom door. I know I'd been an idiot last week and told her about Saint and I sleeping together, but seeing it was not something I'd ever wanted her to see. Damn it.
'You good?' Saint signed when we were alone again in the garden.
"Mmm."
'She'll be fine. She didn't say anything.'
"Now." I said ominously and he laughed.
'You'll be fine.' He pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I gave him one back before he pulled back too far.
"I hope so." I rubbed my hands on my jeans nervously.
'I know so.' He replied, reaching for them and holding them in his own. 'Everything will be fine.'
"Everything?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Everything seemed like a mess right now. I don't know how he could be optimistic right now. He nodded once and cupped my face gently, looking at me for a moment before smiling softly.
'Everything.' He repeated. And he looked so certain...it was hard not to believe him.