Spellbound Affection

Chapter 8: On Mountains and Valleys

The voyage next day was still dissolved with silence that it led Semi to thinking that Tendou was still not okay, and Ushijima probably made it worse.

So he smacked Tendou in the back of his head, causing Reon and Goshiki to exchange nervous glances, Shirabu looking worriedly at Ushijima, and Ushijima widening his eyes.

"Tendou. What the fucking hell."
Semi finally snapped. He's was not prepared for this melodramatic bullshit.

Tendou scratched his head. "Gee, already so stingy this early in the morning, Semisemi? What did I do?"

"Get your shit together, Tendou. You're making us all worry. If there's something bothering you, please say it. We're all friends after all."

Tendou tried his best not to give Semi a pained look.

"It's okay, Semisemi. It's not like it matters anyway."

"FUCK."

Semi finally had enough and he punched Tendou in the face. Shirabu held Tendou and Reon held Semi back.

"Don't give me that crap, Tendou. I'm tired of this bullshit. If you want an ear, I'll be more than willing to lend you one."

Semi sighed in frustration.

"Can't you... Put just a little more faith in us?"

Tendou was taken aback by Semi's question. He's right. Ever since learning about Spellbound Affection, the doubts got the better of him.

Can't he trust his friends in feeling the real thing about him?

Did he actually wanted to believe that they were under the spell?

Didn't he want them not to forget about him?

He was convincing himself in paradoxicality. He was not so sure anymore.

"I'm sorry, Semi."

Their morning continued with deafening silence still in the middle of them. Semi decided not to press it further, and therefore believed that Tendou will open up someday. Maybe that day is not today, but someday.

Semi believed in Tendou. He hoped that Tendou believed in him, too.

The transition of morning to afternoon finally came, and everyone took naps in their respective spots. Well, except for Tendou who decided to wander deep within the woods.

"Where are you going?"
The familiar deep voice that taught Tendou the meaning of 'butterflies in your stomach'.

Tendou chuckled softly.
"Deep within. Maybe I can find myself somewhere. I'll be back."

"I shall go with you."
It was not an offer anymore. He was insisting it.

Tendou didn't say anything and kept on walking. Ushijima just followed silently behind him, the thick air of silence making itself known again.

"Satori--"

"I thought by building myself with magic, my reality wouldn't seem so tragic anymore."

"I..."

"Reality is often disappointing isn't it not? I still remember the dreams seven-year-old me built up, thinking that my future self will be somewhat successful. After twelve years, congratulations, self! You're still a fucking failure!"

"You're not---"

"It depressed me, knowing how alone I was."

"But--"

"Cold stares boring through the back of my skull, people simultaneously calling me a monster, or I shouldn't have existed. Fuck."

"Satori, please don't---"

"It's 'cause nobody cares unless you're beautiful or dead."

"Satori, stop saying things like that about yourself. If you don't believe it, I will stand firm by saying it's not true."

Tendou hadn't even realized Ushijima was now holding his hand.

"Why do you even---"

"Whenever I see you, it always reminded me of the ocean."

Tendou blinked. "Pardon?"

"It can be calm or still. It can also be rough and rigid. But in the end, the ocean is beautiful, inside and out. Just like you."

Tendou's face flushed. "Wakatoshi--"

"Do not make your heart forbidden for everyone. There are people worthy of entry."

Tendou smiled at him, intertwining his fingers with that of Ushijima's.

Ushijima felt like butterflies were fluttering inside his stomach. How can Tendou make such an impact on him?

Was it because he was his friend?

Or was he something more than that?

"Wakatoshi."

"Yes?"

"Could you find a way to let me down slowly?"

"What---"

"A little sympathy, I hope you can show me."

"But--"

"If you're leaving, then I'll be so lonely."

"I'm not going anywhere--"

"If you're leaving, let me down slowly."

Ushijima frowned. He did not understand what Tendou wanted to impart to him. He wanted to understand.

"What are you talking about?"

"Someone told me, I had to conquer mountains and valleys to be okay. Yes, just okay. I don't need a marvelous, outstanding, or even a fantastic outcome. Just, okay is enough. But I had to cross mountains and valleys for it."

Tendou let go of Ushijima's hand.

"But I'm scared because, if I go past those mountains and valleys, will I find a lonely meadow? Will I find a lively pasture?"

Ushijima sighed, and took Tendou's back into his.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore. No matter what will you find in the other side, I shall be there with you. Please believe in me."