Angelic Mask-(s.m)

37

This is the third time in two weeks I've been sitting at my therapists office. I was sat playing with hem of my dress as I waited outside of her office.

She must hate me for showing up here almost all the time.

"Athena" I heard Dr. Em's voice beam as she opened her door. I stood up and walked inside her office taking a seat on my favourite pastel yellow couch.

"How are you feeling today? Do you want to talk today or cry it out?" She asks referring to the other times where I couldn't even talk to her.

"I don't know" I say and she sighs.

"You know this is a safe place to talk, you can say whatever you want about whoever. I promise you're okay and I've known you for years" she says and I nodded.

"I'm assuming it's something to do with Shawn?" She says and I nodded.

"Just take a few deep breaths and tell me slowly, take your time" She says before she handed me some water and placed a box of tissues in front of me.

"Well- you know Shawn is like older then me and he was married before?" I say and she nodded.

"Well on my graduation day-" I continued to tell her the whole story about everything that happened that day. With my panic attack at night and me restarting medication, and how I haven't been able to sleep in days.

"Oh Athena" she came and gave me a hug while I wiped my tears.

"I can't believe that, I'm so sorry" she says and I shook my head.

"It's fine" I say before I took a few sips of water to help my dried throat.

"Tell me what's been happening since then?" She asks.

"Well I don't know but I just can't seem to do anything. Like my body has given up on everything, like I want to go out for a walk but my body won't let me so I'd just spend the whole day in. All I do is stay at home, I barely leave my bed and I can barely eat. My room is a mess just like my life, and I-I can't sleep-"

"I literally cannot sleep, every time I close my eyes my graduation day keeps replaying  and the hurtful words keep roaming in my mind. And I can't get it out, I literally cannot escape or explain the hell I feel inside my head" I cried into my hands hysterically.

Dr. Em relaxed me by following her breathing exercises and drinking some water.

"It's just I always ask why? Why can't I ever been someone's first choice? Why can't anyone ever love me, everyone who seems to say that lies. I know everyone will choose someone over me" I say as I wiped my eyes.

"I know Athena you're not feeling the best right now, but I promise you that you will be fine. I've seen you been yourself and I know you can do it. Just keep yourself in check, medication on time, breathing exercises and maybe join and meditation class" she says and I nodded.

"I'm going to prescribe you some medicine for you insomnia. I can tell you haven't been sleeping and not looking after yourself very well but soon enough you'll be back on track" she says and I sighed.

"It's not the end. You're not going to be stuck like this I promise and I'm here to help" she says and I nodded.

"It's just sucks because for a minute, just for that minute I was happy, I was getting better and I had hope but also in just a minute I lost it all" I say as I closed my eyes.