Aster Petals

✽ three ✽

"We want all of us to be together at Jimin's funeral."

Seokjin froze. He couldn't feel his body, his mind blanked at the sudden shock and his heart cracked at this heavy news.

What?

Jimin's funeral? What did Hoseok mean by this? This couldn't be true, at least, Seokjin hoped that it wasn't true or at least he must've misheard.

"W-what do you mean, Jimin's, funeral?" Brittly, he asked, eyes fogging with a layer of mist.

"Jimin died due to Hanahaki disease." This struck Seokjin again.

"He fell in love with Yoongi but then..." Those were the only sentences Seokjin was able to catch before his ears blocked out every sound and his thoughts start to speak out loud.

And so Seokjin hadn't misheard, to his great dismay.

Jimin died. Those two sentences were hard to take in.

The reason why Jimin died was because of Hanahaki, the very same disease that Seokjin's diagnosed with. Because he had thrown up flowers for a love that was unrequited. Seokjin should be lucky that he's still alive, but to find out that one of your closes friends died hurts more the disease itself.

It hurts more than the growth of the Asters inside his stomach.

The memories of when he was with Jimin, with his friends, slowly came back to him. He remembered the last time he saw Jimin, during their last hangout, he would jump around in joy and try to make everyone happy. Laughing, smiling as bright as the sun, and beaming with happiness.

He was in utter disbelief, but why would Hoseok call him if this was going to be a joke?

"Jin hyung, are you still there?"

Seokjin snaps back into reality, "yeah yeah, I'm here." Then, he felt the warm tears stream down his cheeks. He hadn't even noticed that he was tearing up. He wipes them away and tries to hold back the rest of it.

"I know that it's a lot to take in," It was a lot. Too much for him to handle."But can you please come? Jimin would love to see all six of us together."

Hearing that sentence just stabbed his heart again. He held his tears back and pursed his lips. He had wanted to go back to South Korea, for quite some time now. He wanted to see his friends again, his family, and to return to his home once and for all. But one of the only reasons why he isn't coming back is because of him.

Namjoon.

If he were close to him, if he were to see him again, his disease might worsen. He wasn't sure if he was willing to take that risk.

"I'll... I'll think about it." Seokjin replies lowly, hesitantly.

There was a short pause of silence between the two ends of the line as if Hoseok was trying to process what Jin had said. "Wait... you'll think about it?" Hoseok was in disbelief of his reply, Seokjin could tell. And he understood.

"I'm not feeling well Hoseok." He admits. "Just give me some time and, I'll text you if I'm coming. Alright?"

The line had gone silent for a short while. Few more seconds of silence before Hoseok's speaks up in disappointment. "Alright."

Hoseok was the first to hang up and at that point, Seokjin knew that the other was disappointed with his reply. He had every right to be. But even if he wanted to say yes, he couldn't do it since he wasn't ready to face him again.

He flushes the toilet before exiting his bathroom and going inside his bedroom. He sits on the side of the bed, slouched forwards and stared at the wall distantly.

Namjoon's reaction to his confession was a painful memory for him. The last reaction he saw from him was the worry and concern in his eyes when he found out that Seokjin had Hanahaki.

But did he act worried? No. He didn't.

He didn't go after him. He didn't fucking say anything else other than 'Hyung' as if Seokjin would just turn around to look at him. 

Just the thought of this was painful. Seokjin buried his face in his hands, trying to hold back his soulful tears. He wanted to go home, he wanted to see Jimin, he wanted to be with his friends again, but it was all too risky.

He wanted to be cured, he wanted to live a normal life just like everyone else was that too much to ask?

Thinking again, his life isn't normal.

He had been working in a shitty company for years, living in a shitty life and vomiting out purple Asters. That wasn't normal at all.

He sighed. He drops his hands down and stares at the ground.

If he will go back to Korea, then he is going back just for Jimin.

Just for him.

Just for his friends.

Not Namjoon.

Even if he has to face him, then he will. He'll keep on fighting.

No matter how much it will hurt him, he will resist.

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Day 1344

For the first time in years, Hoseok has finally contacted me. When I thought that things were going to be alright for once, I find out that Jimin died today. It's, really painful and devastating. Jimin was honestly the last person I'd suspect to die first. But now here we are...

God, I'm getting tears on the paper... There's just a lot of stuff going in my head right now. Mostly regrets.

I'll be booking a plane to Korea, maybe tomorrow. Not sure.

I don't want to see him, but at the same time, I do.

Why am I doing this?

Why is the world cruel to me?