Aster Petals

❀ one ❀

"I'll try to be there tomorrow. If not then the day after since I've got a bunch of homework to finish."

"Alright. See you then."

"Yeah, see you." Namjoon hung up.

Dropping his hand, he looked around his place with an empty stare. He wanted to punch something so bad, he wanted to punch the pain and the anger out until his knuckles would break, but he didn't have the strength nor the courage to do so.

Tears have layered his eyes, fogging his vision. His heart cracked, his body felt numb, and the guilt had downpoured over him. He didn't want to cry, but the tears decided otherwise. He needed to cry, he needed to sob.

Especially after getting the news that Jimin is dead.

His friend died.

He wiped his tears away with his hands. He pressed his lips into a line and sharply inhaled through his nose, trying to keep his composure. Trying to keep his tears in.

Jimin's dead...

His friend is dead, digging up a huge hole in Namjoon's heart. This new information was too much for him to take in. It was all too fast and all too sudden.

It was a piece of news he wouldn't be able to get over in a long time.

This had to sink in for a while. Once it did, he took the time to reflect. He was losing everything. He lost contact with all of his friends, especially his best friend. He was lonely in the dorm since his roommate would always be out, hanging out at his girlfriend's place.

His life was already miserable and when he thought things couldn't get any worse, he received this news.

He lost Jimin, he actually had lost him, and there is no way of bringing him back.

There is no way to revive the lost moments seven of them had shared.

He walked up to his desk, sat on his chair, and stared down at the messy pile of homework he had to accomplish. All of this, the papers which nearly covered the most of his desk, were scattered. And that was just a fraction of the work he had to do before he takes a break and attends Jimin's funeral.

He deeply sighed. The thoughts inside the big brain of his were going in a frenzy, playing a messy game that he could gain no control of. From the first piece of homework he had to accomplish, he didn't even know where he should even start.

Grabbing the nearest pen, he presses the tip of his ballpoint creating a click sound that resonated throughout the room.

He hovered the tip over the paper, then, he started writing.

He didn't like the mindset he was in at the moment, depressed. It wasn't the best especially in a situation where you had to deal with a bunch of homework. So much of these that add up to his stress and depression. But he wasn't just depressed over that though.

One, it was because of Jimin. He who Namjoon had no contact with for years, the angel of the group, is now dead, after receiving news from Hoseok. Come to think of it, on the brighter side, he is now an angel in the heavens, living a better life than the one he had here on Earth; as of what Namjoon thought.

Two, Jin.

With that name in mind, he stops writing and drops the pen onto the desk.

Jin.

Kim Seokjin.

His best friend who he had rejected.

His best friend who he had no contact with anymore.

His best friend who he could've possibly killed, the person who could already be dead.

He didn't want to assume that his best friend was gone, he didn't want to jump to false conclusions either. The temptation to bring his phone out from his pocket and to contact his best friend was strong, but the forces that were pulling him back were a lot stronger. For he was afraid of the possibilities.

His best friend, he had missed so so much.

He wasn't even sure if they were best friends anymore. Not with the weak bond they had now.

What he had done back then, he could never forgive himself for it. He made such a cowardly choice, that they had ended up in this fate. If he had called him sooner, if he hadn't been such a chicken, then he would still be in contact with his hyung.

He was afraid to call him, he was afraid to text him, and he didn't know if he would reply since he could possibly be dead.

If only he wasn't such a coward.

If he only had given him a chance.

Then Seokjin would've been cured of his Hanahaki.

Then Namjoon wouldn't have to be diagnosed with Hanahaki.

His throat felt itchy, and this itchy feeling had turned into a loud cough. He immediately covered his mouth, coughing even more and even louder. Something soft came out of his mouth and landed onto his hand. Pulling back, he took a glance at the very thing that had come out.

A blue Aster petal.

Yes, he is diagnosed with the one and only Hanahaki disease.

All because of Seokjin.

All because he had mistakenly sprung out from the soil of regret.