Aster Petals

❀ nine ❀

"It hurts..."

Soulful tears spilled over his eyelids, flowing down his smooth powdered skin until the drops drip onto his now-crumpled polo shirt.

Namjoon had his eyes pressed against the heel of his palms, releasing every ounce of pain he had forcefully contained. He sobbed, cried, mourned.

It's painful.

It's treacherous.

It hurts.

Aster petals had filled the toilet bowl. Bloody blue flowers that were floating on the surface of the water. Specks of his blood scattered all over the bowl and a few had made its way to his fingers which trembles from exhaustion and lack of strength.

The fiery flowers continue to devour his system, multiplying until they fill up the vacant spaces of Namjoon's stomach. It continues to crawl up to his lungs, through his organs and digging its sharp roots so that the stems could suck up the rich nutrients that were contained within Namjoon's flesh.

It was always like this. But, undoubtedly, today was worse. Worse than ever before.

Namjoon and Seokjin were on their way to the hotel reception room when the younger suddenly felt a burn inside of him. He knew that it was another attack. No doubt was it another attack. So he told Seokjin to go on ahead, telling him that he had forgotten something in their room. Without another word, he ran back.

Fortunately for him, Seokjin went on ahead.

Unfortunately for him, however, the disease was way more unpleasant than what he had expected.

It wouldn't stop. The flowers, the tears, the pain. It just continues to add up, as if there was no end to it. It's sickening. Trying to cope with all of this was just exhausting as heck. With all of this going through his head, it just made him wonder, how did Jimin endure all of this?

His love for Yoongi, the Azalea flowers, how did he endure all of the pain that had continued to devour him? How did he resist all of that before he died? Why did he do that? Why did he take a huge risk?

Why did he kill himself?

Namjoon sniffles, moving his hands away from his red and swollen eyes. He needed to think for a moment, mostly to himself. Mostly questioning his actions and what could possibly happen in the future when he continues to walk along this narrow path to death.

If he were to take the surgery, then he would live, right? But that would mean letting go of Seokjin. And that, he didn't want. If it were just the feelings, then he might've taken the surgery immediately. He could've removed the flowers a lot earlier and he wouldn't have to risk his life for a hopeless future.

But no, what we are talking about here are the memories. Those memorable moments that he cherishes so would be thrown away like a piece of paper. A well-written essay that could still be held onto, thrown into the garbage since it had lost its purpose. Not just recent memories but, it would also mean that he would be wiping Seokjin out of his life.

That's possible. That's highly possible. If he does take the surgery, then that would mean Seokjin would be out of his story. For good.

He could just forget him so that the suffering would end. He could just forget all the times they've spent together. Both good and bad. But to know that Seokjin is still his best friend, to know that Seokjin still holds onto their friendship so dearly, just brought him into one huge sinkhole of a dilemma.

He would choose friendship over a relationship in any day, but if it so happens that he is in love with his friend, then that would cause him a huge problem.