Life.

1. Toxic

(8/5)

1.
there was a thin mist last night
as i walked on the dark road
i longingly glanced at the sky
i miss my moon.

i remembered like it was yesterday,
when you said you walked with her
and she said something about my beauty.
how it was even comparable to hers

i smiled ear to ear, with warmth i can't ever described
warmth i have to wait to happen again
warmth i am not sure i will encounter again in this lifetime.

i've said quite handful of mean things to you
in a process of my own learning
i couldn't ever ask for your forgiveness.
for it is unfair for you, to be the one to always tolerate,
to always accept, to lay bare naked with all truth uttered
yet i am here, all cocooned in my fort, still.
and for that i am guilty, i am forever guilty..

i can't be yours anymore, can i?
that is what my heart tells me.
even though heart can't undo the given love,
it probably will leak out and the wound will be patched up once again,
ready to be filled with someone new or be frozen up
either of them aren't what i am hoping at all..

2.
i adore your positivity
i always do.
but i know being with me is like being with a silent killer.
you're a bottle of wine to serve to kings and queens.
and i am a vial of lethal poison.
to kill them.
i guess when you said you were tired,
you really are exhausted by me.
i am the one leeching your energy
i am the one sucking those positivity and injected you with dark syrup
of insecurity and anxiety
and for that i am guilty, i am forever guilty..

i love you.
with all of that, i do love you
i really do.
nobody ever replaced you nor will it be someday.
and still,
i failed you.
i failed to be the one you've always dreamed of
i failed.

3.
it is redeemable as you said
but you also said that you probably couldn't touch me the way you always did
i remembered you said when it was with me,
it always felt like something new each times
i never been so happy when i heard that
i never been so happy in my entire life.
yet i still managed to fail you
and for that i am guilty, i am forever guilty..

i am started to think that i am not exactly suitable for loving role
let alone being loved.
and for that, i am guilty, i am forever guilty..