Putting holes in happiness

UNWORTHY SLUT

I sat in silence at dinner, unable to touch my salsbury steak and mashed potatoes. Arianna and Joan were silent, while Maria and Jess were missing. Sierra, Ali, and Felicitas sat together, completely across the table from me, speaking in hushed tones, occasionally glancing at me. I tried to avoid meeting their eyes, but I was also curious about what it was that they were talking about. I was paranoid that they were talking about about me, due to the glances in my direction. But, I didn't ask. Nor did I need to. Things would soon become apparent.

Maria and Jess were released from isolation during evening recreation, while I sat silently in a corner reading a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass that I had borrowed from the library there. Everyone else (except for Jess and the balding anorexic, who were glued to the TV watching "Gossip Girl" was socializing. Maria was over with Ali, Sierra, and Felicitas, talking in earnest.

"Well, I'll ask her," I overheard her exclaim. I glanced up for a moment, wondering what was going on, then went back to reading my book.

Later while Maria and I were settling into bed, she suddenly turned to me, an unreadable expression on her face. I felt her glance turned to confront her, dropping my bra on the bed.

"What is it," I asked, trying not to seem annoyed or bitchy. I just had a feeling that she was about to ask me about something I didn't want to answer.

"There's a rumor going around about you," she started, smiling bit, getting right to the point.

"Okay?"

"Well, Felicitas seems to think she heard your visitor today say that you and Marilyn Manson are dating," she explained.

I laughed nervously, thinking, Oh shit. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Well not to me," she answered, "but Ali, Sierra, and Felicitas along with a few other girls from different groups are gonna be really jealous and not going to like you now."

"The fuck if I care if they don't like me," I laughed.

Maria laughed at my boldness, "suit yourself then. But things might get a little unpleasant around here."

The next day, I had my first session of group therapy. Our mediator was a Puerto Rican woman named Consuela, who was a bit over-weight and favored the color pink. Well, the shit hit the fan, naturally. I never believed that group therapy was helpful in the first place though.

"Well, I see we have a new girl," Consuela announced, spotting me as I took a seat between Maria and Arianna, "why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

I smiled nervously, "what do you want to know?"

"Well, you can start with your name and then if you wish, you could tell us why you're here," she suggested, I looked around the circle of girls. Joan was smiling at me, while Felicitas, Ali, and Sierra seemed to be glaring at me in hatred. I sighed in annoyance.

"I am Leonore Sweet," I muttered, refusing to look up from my black lace ballet flats, "I am here because I got arrested for fighting and my aunt used that to get me committed again."

"Again," Arianna repeated.

I nodded silently in reply.

"Why were you committed the first time?"

"I was diagnosed with severe schizophrenia when I was seven," I explained, "which is actually a very rare occurence for children to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, or anyone under 21 for that matter." I hoped that nobody else would ask me about myself and that maybe that would distract them for a moment.

"UNWORTHY," Felicitas fake-coughed into her hands.

"SLUT," Ali imitated Felicitas. I glared at them, looking up from my shoes.