Thank you and Goodbye
I always wish you the best. And I will keep doing that. I will never wish you any bad but I'll sure take my grief and pain to the All Mighty. He knows better and He knows how to heal me because you broke me. I meant every single promise I made but you made it so so hard for me to keep them.
I was willing to wait a lifetime for you but you messed that up. You lied to me. Way too many times. Times that I lost count of. It's not worth trying anymore. You stayed single for a year, you can stay single for a decade because I'm leaving. I loved you. I loved you way more than just 'to the moon and back' because to me, that's too little. You lied to me and you took me for granted because I was what you called 'too patient'.
I shouldn't have been 'too patient' with you when you lied the first time or when you stopped talking to me for two weeks or when you said you can't 'keep begging' and 'repeating yourself' because it's of no use. I should have made all the tables turn and made a storm and perhaps that way you wouldn't have underestimated me or look down on me or even drifted away from me.
But that's the thing with me, I can't make scenes. I'll still care about your feelings even though I'm the one getting hurt. I can't hurt you even if my life depends on it. It's not because I'm weak no, it's because I feel. It's because you matter to me. I don't hurt and inflict pain on others because that's the way of the weak. The weak because he's not strong, inflicts pain and hurt others because he can't do anything but a strong person will never do such a thing.
I was being understanding and brushing a lot and a lot of your mistakes and flaws under the mat because I saw my future with you and I saw potentials. But perhaps that 'brushing things under the mat' made you think I'm no more worth anything. You are flawed, yes, very flawed but you were perfect to me. I was willing to look over those flaws and stay with you because I'm also flawed and I need someone to love me for who I am and never judge me. I loved you the way I wanted to be loved and I guess that was too much for you to handle.
Life isn't easy but if you find someone who's willing to see your flaws, see you at your worst and still chose to stay, look you in the eye and say, "You're worth everything and you're perfect to me." Then you surely did find the right one and if you let them leave and slip right through your fingers, then you're a fool.
I guess my love was too much for you to handle so you chose the coward way of fighting, and that is 'running away'. You ran away because you couldn't handle the way I loved you and you didn't wanna be the one that broke it off so you hurt me and broke me till I couldn't take it anymore.
Now here I am, questioning every single thing you told me. I don't even think your addiction was a thing. I feel like you made that up so I could leave you but I didn't so you resolve into other means, 'lying' and that left me wondering, 'where did I go wrong?' And I couldn't find the answer. Why? Because nothing went wrong, you messed things up and you made it seem as if it was my fault. You always did that. Make mistakes and then blame me for them later on and I'll end up apologizing because I didn't wanna lose you but what I didn't notice I was losing was myself. You were chaos, a mess but I guess that's what attracted me to you because I was obsessed with broken hearts and minds.
I just have the urge to heal them and I wanted to heal you too but you were not cooperating so I ended up with a broken one myself.
So here I am, saying sorry and thank you because you were one of the best things that happened to me and losing you felt like I lost some part of me. I need to leave because you took my peace and I need that back. We don't quiet work out and as much as I care for you, I cannot pretend that we do.
So I am saying goodbye today in hope that we will meet one day, when we are right for each other. Thus, I hope when you see me in few years, maybe 10, with my bright smile, happy life and brighter eyes, you'd wanna talk to me and collect my number so we could 'catch up' but it'll be too late and it will be my turn to politely decline because you were toxic and I would be happy without you. I hope after our little encounter, you'll be lying in bed at night wondering why you let me go and I'll be happy because I was finally over you. I love you and goodbye.
