A Reply To Your "I'm Sorry"
I did read all of your messages and I did listen to all of your recordings. I noticed you. I saw you. I felt you. And I know why you left. You weren't a coward Max, you were a terrible liar. You still are. You might think that you're a coward, but you're just a liar. A pathetic one.
You lied about yourself. You never opened up. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I showed you that it's ok to be imperfect and to be flawed and make mistakes, you'll tell me who you really are.
You were quiet the interesting type. You made me curious. I guess the saying "Curiosity killed the cat " was true. But the part were it says, "Satisfaction brought it back" is a lie. Satisfaction never ever brought it back. It killed it more.
So, being curious about you killed me. It was nice at first, because I thought you were finally warming up to me. You might have loved me at some point, but then you shut me out.
I tried every single thing in this world to make you happy and warm but you're just a stubborn goat. You're so stubborn it's frustrating. So I thought about something else.
I thought that perhaps if I showed you that you're not the only one with a dark past or dark secret, you'll finally let me in. I thought you'll be happy to know that you're not all alone in this huge cruel world.
But then when I did, you cowardly ran. And I think that was my biggest mistake. I thought I was helping you, I didn't even realize you were just draining me off my energy. Dealing with you was so exhausting Max, I almost lost myself. I almost lost myself while saving you.
I don't know what got into you, but you just changed. I tried to reach out for you but I couldn't. It's like you're so far away yet so close. It's like whenever you're at my reach, and I was about to grasp you, you slip right through my fingers and just run away.
I felt weak and tired. I could feel your gaze on me. You were always watching from far and that killed me because I couldn't reach you even though you were so close.
I couldn't take it anymore. The toxic air, your toxic thought so I moved. God, if I've stayed in that place for another few days, I'd have lost my mind.
I went to a place where the air was so refreshing and calm I thought I almost forgot how to breathe.
And then there came the storm. You followed. I don't think you wanted to just apologize Max, I know there's more to it. I never really thought about it till the day you sent your last piece. And I was thinking.
I was thinking, why would you want to make things right after it's too late and then I realized that you didn't really loved me, you were just using me. You might, at some point like I said before but you just wanted my happiness and cheerfulness for yourself and you didn't care if I was gonna make it or not. Because it made you happy. You just wanted everything for yourself, you're just a greedy selfish terrible person. You're a terrible liar.
