I Know My Love Scares You, I Pray You Find Peace.
You really are messed up. Everything you do is. You irritate me. You prove me, you anger me. Why do you do that? Huh? Stop talking to me for weeks and then just ring me up and talk to me as if we were fine. As if nothing happened. As if we were. . . . . .buddies. We are not. At least, not anymore.
You knew how I felt about you yet, you kept on doing it. At first, I ignored it. Mainly because I cared about you. Hell, at some point, I think I loved you. I told you how I felt about you. I told you I liked you, I told you I loved you yet, you ignored me and left me hanging, suspended.
Sometimes, we wouldn't talk for days and I'll keep thinking, 'what have I done? Did I do something wrong?' But I never knew whether it was me or you.
I cared too much it almost drove me to insanity. I cried. A lot. I cried and blamed myself. You put me in a position that was so hard to decide whether to live or not.
I cried. I blamed myself. Because I thought you didn't want me. Who am I kidding, who would wanna have someone as broken? No one. I was so scared. I've always been insecure. I still am. But I'm learning to embrace it.
You've been the best and the worst thing to ever happen to me. I cared way too much for you. I'm naturally a happy person. Very nice too. I smile a lot. I love making people happy. And I really don't show people whether I was sad or not.
But when I really am, I can't force myself to be happy and smiley. You've placed me in that position.
Well, I used to overthink but whenever you call, I always think, 'let it slide' because I wanted you. I was always so happy to see you even though you wouldn't talk to me for days. It's not your fault. I cared too much.
Someone once told me 'the way you love really scares me' and I didn't understand back then. But now I do. I understand now because I really know how the likes of you are inferior to my love. So weak. You wouldn't have been able to handle it. It was just too much for you. It still is. I don't think there'd ever come a day that you will ever be able to handle it. That day won't come.
I thought I'll be happy with you. But then again, whatever could I ever give you? I have nothing but love and I'm sure you need more. Much more. So I'm letting you be. I won't disturb you again.
I pray you're at peace. I hope you find peace.
