30 Days with Fina

Day 17

30 Days with Fina by JellOfAllTrades

Chapter 17

As soon as the clock struck three in the afternoon, I left our ancestral house and made my way to the seaside playground, not bothering to ask myself why I'm going there 30 minutes early when I was always a latecomer in Manila.

Since the sun isn't that burning overhead anymore, children are already out and playing. I passed the kids playing tag and narrowly missed knocking down a little girl who wasn't looking at where she was going. She just squealed and ran away like it was no big deal. I couldn't help but remember that day with the children in the orphanage.

I still can't believe that a girl like Fina can make me attend mass voluntarily and visit an orphanage to play with children. It's just so unlike me. I've always rejected my parents inviting me to church and there I go, going to church with her not only once but twice! And kids! I've always scared them away with my appearance but that day with Fina? They didn't even ask me about my piercings but instead teased me about having a 'big nose'. What is it about her that makes everything so different?

"Lalim na naman ng iniisip mo ah?" A voice said from behind me. I turned and smiled at Fina, who is wearing a simple tshirt and shorts.

"Hey there,"

"Anong iniisip mo?"

"Ikaw." I teased and winked at her.

Fina just laughed at me. "Geh lang, Jell. Mang-trip ka pa."

I just smiled back. Oh, Fina, if you only knew that I'm not really lying.

"Ano, kamusta ka naman kahapon?" Fina inquired, sitting down on the seawall with me.

I suddenly had a flashback of how I ran away from Ashley and tried so hard not to knot my forehead. Damn, that memory's going to haunt me forever.

"Oy, ayos ka lang?" Fina asked, worriedly, and then squinted at me. "May ginawa ka kahapon noh!"

"Wala ha!" I denied, shaking my head.

"Eh ano ngang ginawa mo?"

"Nagmukmok sa bahay." I murmured, which was true by the way. After leaving Ashley's house and figuring out that I can't tell anybody what happened, I just stayed in up in the attic and distracted myself by watching some of my favorite movies.

"Grabe, nagsayang ng oras. Bakit ka naman nagmukmok?"

"You sound like you had a very productive day yesterday." I looked at her and can't stop myself from admiring her beautifully calm face. "Ikaw ba, anong ginawa mo?"

"Naglinis ng bahay, nagplantsa tapos nagluto para sa hapunan." She proudly recounted to me.

 I just nodded, unsure what to say. Fina must have noticed my rather low energy so she cocked her head to one side and gave me a scrutinizing look, probably trying to figure out why I'm in such a mood.

"Sure kang ayos ka lang?" She asked, obviously worried.

I just gave her a small smile, getting depressed that I can't talk to anyone about my confusion and about what happened yesterday.

"Alam mong pwede mo akong pagsabihan ng mga problema mo," Fina softly said, putting a tender hand on my forearm.

"Alam ko. Pero hindi ko pwedeng sabihin sayo eh," I shrugged, looking away.

"Bakit naman?"

"Secret ko na lang yun."

"Hindi mo talaga sasabihin sakin?" She pushed and I shook my head. Fina just looked at me for a few more moments before nodding and looking away. "Okay."

I felt the silence hung heavily in the air between us and I felt guilty for not confiding into her. I let out a deep sigh. If only she was not part of my problem then I wouldn't have second thoughts about sharing with her.

"I'm sorry, Fina. I just have to carry this burden alone."

Fina gave me a soft smile. "I know. But please do remember that you're never alone."

Her words struck me as something she honestly, sincerely believed in and I can't help but feel thankful for her presence.

"Thank you," I blurted out before I could stop myself. My eyes widened at the spontaneity of the appreciation and Fina just laughed at me.

"Bakit sobrang nakakatuwa ka magpasalamat ha?" She asked, still laughing at me. "Sobrang wala sa personality mo!"

I pouted, trying to look annoyed. "Geh, mangaasar pa eh."

"Ang cute mo kasi!" She pinched my nose. "Magte-thank you lang, ang cute-cute mo pa!"

"Aray!" I complained, leaning away from her. Massaging my harassed nose, I glared at Fina. "Trip mo na naman yung ilong ko."

"Favorite ko yang ilong mo eh." She shrugged and then standing up.

"San ka pupunta?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Nagugutom ako. Gusto ko ng tinapay."

I frowned at her sudden cravings but just followed her to the nearest bakery. She got herself some monay while I picked the freshly made donuts. Fina even slapped my hand for attempting to pay for both our orders saying her mom gave her some money today.

We decided to take a stroll by the seawall as we munched on our food.

"Kahit minsan ba naisipan mong manirahan sa probinsya?" Fina asked, examining the bread she took a bite from.

"Hindi pa,"

"Bakit naman?"

"I dunno, I always lived in the city. Parang sampal siguro sa mukha kung biglang tatahimik ang kapaligiran ko."

"So, mas gusto mo ng maingay?"

"Hindi naman sa ganun." I shook my head. "Gusto ko rin naman ng katahimikan eh. It'll just be out of my character to suddenly live in a quiet place."

"So, ayaw mo ng lumalabas sa comfort zone mo, ganun?"

I looked at Fina and thought of how different she is from all the girls I've hanged out with in Manila.

"Minsan oo, minsan hindi. Depende kung anong pinaguusapan nating comfort zone." I laughed. "Minsan kasi napaka-refreshing na may bago sa buhay mo. But usually, I like the way things are around me. Kung wala akong nakikitang mali, hindi ko 'to papalitan."

Fina nodded at my answer and nibbled on her bread. I felt like it was my turn to ask her.

"Fina, nainlove ka na ba?"

She frowned at my question. "Anong klaseng tanong yan?"

"Ewan ko. Yun yung una kong naisip eh." I shrugged. "Ano na?"

"Oo." Fina mused, looking far out into the sea as if remembering a time long forgotten. "Pero isang beses pa lang and it broke my heart."

"Bakit naman?"

"Umalis siya eh." Fina sighed. "Nagpromise siya na babalik siya pero hindi ko na siya nakita pa ulit."

I nodded and couldn't bring myself to ask her anymore. The ache of her past love is obvious in her face.

"Ikaw ba, Jell. Nainlove ka na ba?"

I shook my head no.

"Kahit isa sa mga naging girlfriends mo sa Manila?" Her eyes widened at my wordless response.

"Nope," I trudged on. "Those girls were just, sorry for the term, toys for me."

"Kasi pampalipas oras mo lang sila ganun?" Fina kept up with my pace. "Kasi pinapasaya ka nila?"

"Oo."

"So, laruan mo lang din ba ako?"

My head almost snapped at the speed of my head turning to look at her. I stopped in my tracks and so did she.

"Why on earth would you even say that?" I almost shouted.

"Totoo naman hindi ba?" Fina's head turned to one side, her eyes shining in sadness. "Aminin mo, Jell. Kaya lang naman tayo naguusap parati ay dahil ayaw mong ma-bored ka dito sa Calauag."

I stared at her. "Fina, is that all you think you are to me?"

She looked away and nodded.

Letting out a deep sigh, I held her hands. "Fina, look at me."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before facing me.

"Hindi mo alam kung paano mo ako napapasaya, kung paano mo ako pinapahangad na sana bumilis ang oras para dumating na ang hapon at magkikita na tayo sa playground." I stared at those dark brown eyes. "Fina, napapatawa mo ako, napapasaya without even saying dirty jokes, and I like that about you. Isa kang malaking sampal sa nakagisnan kong magulong mundo ng Maynila and I like that about you. Please, don't ever think of yourself as a toy kasi hindi ka katulad ng mga kaibigan ko sa Manila na lulutang sa baha dahil sa ka-plastikan."

Her forehead knitted as she tried to fight the laugh that is surfacing. "Plastic talaga?"

"Oo, sobrang plastic nila doon. Iilan lang ang totoo kong mga kaibigan and they too, I'm not sure are real friends." I admitted. "Kasi lately hindi ko magawang mag-open up sa best friend ko nang hindi nahihiya."

"Hindi ka naman dapat mahiya sa bestfriend mo tungkol sa problema mo eh."

"Kaya nga hindi ko siya makausap eh. Pakiramdam ko kasi tatawanan niya lang ako."

"Bestfriends are supposed to understand you the best pag walang ibang uunawa sayo. Saka kung natatakot ka na baka tawanan ka niya, sa una lang naman iyon." Fina said. "Usually after ka nila tawanan saka ka lang nila tutulungan."

I let out a sigh. "Oo na, oo na. Basta Fina, don't ever doubt my friendship with you again."

She pouted and then bit her lip as if having a fight with herself.

"Oy, ayos ka lang?"

"Kasi...."

"What? Spill it."

"Aalis ka din naman eh."

I stared at her, surprised at her words.

"Aalis ka din at iiwan mo ako katulad niya." She confessed. "Kalilimutan mo din naman ako kaya wag na lang."

"Okay, what brought you to say that?"

"Totoo naman diba?" Fina said, stepping away from me and looking down at her feet. "Pagbalik mo ng Manila babalik ka na sa dati mong buhay at makakalimutan mo din na nakilala mo ako."

Just then and there did I realize how small Fina really is. How pale her skin is under the afternoon sun and how fragile she is in front of me

Maybe she is right that the moment I step back in Manila, I'll be returning to my life of drinking and partying and fucking and when the time that I graduate college comes, I don't know what it is that I want to do with my life. The moment I step back to my old life, I will forget about her and about Calauag as if I didn't spend a month here because I never wanted to be here in the first place and I love my life in Manila more than I care to admit to myself.

"Tanda mo ba kung kailan ka huling pumunta dito sa Calauag, Jell?" Fina choked back a sob. "Five years ago, yun ang sabi mo sakin. For sure five years ulit ang aabutin bago ka bumalik dito and by then nakalimutan mo na ako."

"Mali ka diyan, Fina." I smiled, closing the distance between us. Placing a thumb on her chin, I made her look up at me. "Sa sobrang baba kasi ng tingin mo sa sarili mo for sure hindi kita makakalimutan."

And just to prove my point, I kissed her on the forehead. "Please, Fina. Wag naman pa-humble masyado. Hindi masamang taasan din ang tingin sa sarili once in a while."

I saw a tear escape her eyes and fall down her cheeks. She jumped and hugged me tight, sobbing on my shoulders. "Nakakainis ka talaga kahit kailan! Ang yabang mo!"

I chuckled and closed my eyes, breathing her scent in. "Mayabang na kung mayabang. Pero ganito na talaga ako. Mahirap magbago, Fina."

She chuckled on my neck and I have never hope so much for time to stop at that very moment. I have never felt so happily contented as I was in the arms of Fina Romulo and as much as I hate the idea of love, I love the feeling that she brings me. Whatever this feeling is.

"I won't promise to leave you, because I can't keep that. But I will promise that I'll never forget about you, Fina. Is that okay?"

"Okay."

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A/N:

Spell confused. J-E-L-L-A-N-E!

Malapit na, onting push nalang, marerealize din niya kung anong kaweirduhan ang nararamdaman niya HAHAHA

Chapter dedication to the one who said nagbago ang tingin niya sa mga inosenteng koala sa last chapter. Medyo naguilty ako dun. SORRY! HAHAHA