Ballad of the Desert

Chapter 31: Deployment

Myabe because it is the Winter and it's cold outside, but I've suddenly turned lazy and always eating. Sometimes I think of a delicious food and I can't sleep at night wanting to eat it. Huo Qu Bing orders the kitchen to add a talented night shift chef so that I can eat anything I want during the night.

Even though he offered to keep me company if I'm bored eating by myself, but during the day he has to train the army and then attend court, so I don't want to make him even more tired. I quietly sneak out to eat and then slip back when I'm done. He's used to me moving next to him when I sleep, so when I leave I try to be fleet and he almost never notices. But when I return, because it's so cold outside and my body is still chilly when I slip under the warm blankets, he always drowsily pulls me into his warm embrace despite the fact that I try to avoid making him cold with my cold body. His every move is unconsciously done, and that makes me feel a heart full of warmth.

Huo Qu Bing said he would give me time, and he stops doing or saying anything intended to gauge my feelings. Sometimes when I'm zoning off, he would never be like before and get angry or try to test me, but instead he would walk away and gave me privacy and space to work things out by myself.

In the past when I was feeling sad, I would lament the Heavens for never taking care of me. I was abandoned by my parents at birth, which isn't that bad since I never had them so I can't say I ever lost them. But then I met Papa, and right when I'm being pampered and cared for, turning into a real person and loving him back, the Heavens take my Papa away in the blink of an eye. My childhood playmate died, and the person I admired and revered caused my Papa to kill himself. It was impossibly cruel.

I endured a lot of wandering in the endless yellow sand of the vast desert but it was not hard. What was hard was coming to Chang An and discovering the first blush of love of a young girl's heart. If the meeting by the Yue Ya Spring was just a random encounter, then reuniting in Chang An felt like Heaven was deliberately playing a trick on me. I asked myself many times during that period – why did fate let us meet, but then turned all my longing into emptiness? I felt like the Heavens were tormenting me for their own sport.

But now, laying in Huo Qu Bing's embrace, watching him sleep, I think to myself that the Heavens gave him to me. I know now that Heaven does care about me. Even though there is this and that between us, even though he cannot marry me.

I grab his hand, and even though he is sleeping, he subconsciously grabbed my hand back. I pick up his hand and kiss it. If our hands are tightly holding each other's, then there is nothing we can't overcome. Not Xi Yu, not Chang An. Whether it is the battlefield or the Palace, not even if it's life or death.

Huo Qu Bing already attended court and has returned, but I am still snuggled under the covers. He tapped me on the forehead and sighed "When I was in the army base, I heard the old-timers talk about how a woman changes after she's married so she's like two completely different people. I didn't believe then, but seeing you these days, I've come to accept that truth. The sun has already turned towards the West and you still haven't woken up. Aren't you hungry?"

I curl under the blankets and don't move "I ate something earlier but then I felt lazy again and I don't feel like moving." He stuck his hand into the blanket and I try to avoid his icy paw. He tried to ice me again so I quickly sit up. He grabs some clothes for me "Get up! Yi Ping Ju has introduced new dishes and Zhao Puo Nu says it's very tasty. Let's go try it out." I swallowed and immediately got my energy up. He looked at me and shook his head "Is there anything else in your brain these days other than eating?"

I cock my head and think, giving him a sultry and pouty look "There is something else." He smiled and said in a very soft and gentle voice "What is it?" I said in all seriousness "Drinking! The leek soup I had last night was so delicious!" His smile froze and he swatted me on the head, saying in an exasperated tone "Go wash up!"