The Size of What Used to be the Great Wall of China

Chapter 8: Why did my Parents Hit Me?!

It was a dark stormy night, and my large potato was howling in the night. She's coming in, 12:32 flight. The moon was bigger than a normal rock quite evidently. This rock was so big that we decided to activate our slappening mits as it was indeed 12:32. My father raised his hand in anger and brought it down like swift hammer of injustice. It hurt, but it felt so so so... wait what were we talking about?! OH YEAH... GOOD. I wanted more. After my dad stopped hitting me he walked off into the distance because we completely forgot that our dad was dead. So apparently there was some random homeless dude hitting me, which is unfortunate because i called him daddy. The fellas's name was Landon Newell (A.K.A the main character in "Love Simon") . Somehow we ended up in a hot tub wanking it and spanking it. Afterwards, I went inside. (Lucas Vrudney's house). I had to get a shower and change. I felt dirty. Then Landon came in through the door behind me because the door didn't have a lock. Too bad my dad is dead under my floorboards.

Then the badges started knockin' some caps in the wall. I miss the old Kanye... How could they have found us, though? They then walked in as if nothing had happened. I started making some tea, and invited them in. I heard the heart thumping inside my wee wee. I couldn't hear q anything over the dead children screaming in my stomach (@Sans.Vorr) It got hot so I decided to take my striped pajamas on and snuck under the fence into Out-With. Turns out, is this... l li ll l_. Turns out, it was just a dream. Turns out, I was now in the future. Turns out, I looked around. Turns out, I saw a mirror. Turns out, I was reincarnated as a cyborg president. Turns out, I was still dreaming. I awoke on top of the bottom of the seafloor with the rest of my companions. I went back to sleep. In the distance, I could hear a faint voice saying "Lincoln announced that he would issue the Emancipation Proclamation (ih·mant·suh·PAY·shuhn prah·kluh·MAY·shuhn). This decree freed all enslaved people in rebel-held territory on January 1, 1863." What did it mean?hmmmmmmmmmm nope.

I don't understand what was happening. A bunch of slaveries started coming out of the ground pawing at my legs, but one latched on to my leg!! In a desprate attempt to get away I took out my AR-15 and shot the $HITE out of it. The slavery started to bleed profusly and all the fingers were gon. It was a happy day for America... or what was left of it... Half of America was nuked by Bonald Brumf and his cyborg army of Stormy Daniel-Bots. They had huge bitties with guns on them. They all died... We blasted the song De-spa-ci-to. This was a version made by a small child from Africa who had a speech impedamint. He stuttered a lot. That's why the song was an extra 20 minutes. And that, my friends, is the story of how and why my parents hit me. (Even though that part took up all of 10 seconds.)