The Size of What Used to be the Great Wall of China

cHaPtEr %: the quest for acid

Penis penis penis penis. Pp pp pp! Alright, anyways... There we were. In the middle of the Philippine sea (once again). We were in poverty. We had to get money somehow. So Dylan made his world famous popcorn, and we set up shop. We needed to sell this WORLD FAMOUSⓇ Popcorn or else we would get massive boners. But it was too late! All of us had ENORMOUS BULGES. Our RAGING RAVENOUS BONERS were taking over our subconscious. Then Johns massive dong got a ping, a canoe, in the middle of what used to be the Philippine Sea! So we had a sword fight, and the loser would have to walk to Taiwan to get gas for our new canoe. Until then we would have to use our boners as ores. We travelled about 20 feet over a course of 15 hours, but our penises were sore and chaffed. So Bryant, having the weakest penis (to compensate for the weight and size of his broad shoulders) would have to go. While he was gone, we had anal sex to soothe our dongs. We used squid ink as lube. As Bryant walked along, a shadow overtook him; it belonged to a massive robot. He spoke: "I AM THE DICK SLAMMER. SLAMMER OF PENI. YOUR DICK IS INSUFFICIENT FOR SLAMMING. MY SENSORS HAVE INDICKATED SOME RIPE, YOUNG, SLAMMABLE DICKS IN THE AREA. I MUST FIND THEM." And so the Dick Slammer moved on tards the rest of the gang. There was silence... Then multiple (I can't spell this next word. But do I really have to? What's the meaning of spelling? Words are just a concept, and I'm tired. So cut me some slack, huh? What is slack, define it. Now define the definition, pretty hard right? Why can you define definition with a definition even though you can't define the definition of the definition? Think about red, define red without using the word red huh. Now that you've wasted 15 minutes thinking about how to describe a color. Lemme break it down for you... you can't... It is literally impossible to describe something that describes something else. Once you realize that this is a paradox time will slowly to fold on itself and everythi...) sim-u-tanoi... ~time ends~

~time begins again~

(Time has folded in on itself, and so have our penises)

"MM. I GOT A REAL CRAVING FOR MAN." said John. "I hope I don't have a vagina." *looks down* "aawww, Sheeeeeiiiit mang..."

After some long vagina inversion therapy, we were straight again. Or at least as much as we could be. John misses his vagina, more than our dead dad. Where is Bryant? Is he dead, DOES HE HAVE A VAGINA!? And then, a hnsilhouette appeared on the horizon. It was Bryant! He had survived the time foldinization, and the dick slammening! It had hardened him { ;) } so much, that his penis was the strongester out of the all of us now! He unleashed is pp *clears throat* I'm sorry... his PP (Yeh, that's better) and the sheer power of it blew us all away! He began to wank! "OH NO" John exclaimed, "If he finishes this won't be the Phillippine Sea anymore; it will be... The White Ocean." DUN DUN DDDDDUUUUUUNNNN. Our only hope now was the canoe. We had to reach it before he finished. Bryant, slapping his PP: us, getting the heck outta there. It was a long run since Philippine sand is super squishy. We had just made it; we peered out over the side of the canoe, and then... and THEN... *PUFF* A big puff of white dust came from Bryant's pp (My bad) *Clears throat* PP. Nothing happened,,, Bryant was sad because he found out that he had what the doctors called "Erectile Conjunction". Our raging straight white maleness was so loud, that it attracted the straight police from the local country of Taiwan. (They were all gay, and hated any and all straight white males.) They arrived in their helicopters made out of rainbows, cum, dildos, rainbow dildos, rainbow cum, rainbow-covered dildos, cum-covered dildos, cum-covered rainbow dildos, cum-covered rainbows, dildo cum rainbow helicopter gayness yeah... I don't know what just happened. (It was a stroke) Let's move on. They took us in for being straight white males. It was especially bad because we were 77 years old. We had arthyritis, dymentia, and all of the other diseases I don't know how to spell. The only thing we didn't have was AIDs (foreshadowing). In an attempt to get out of jail, we all screamed "I WANT TO SUCK BIG BLACK DICK." It didn't work, but we did get raped by every black man in the jail. After this occured, we befriended the black rapists. Bryant didn't think this was a very good idea, but it was necessary to get out. We formulated a plan. A big plan. A wonderful plan. A voluptuous plan. It was the best plan. We would steal kitchen utensils and melt them down for the metal to build a great big effigy of a woman, with the biggest biddies you've ever seen. It made all of dicks hard, even the gay men. We had them get on each others shoulders, and use the boners as a ladder. As we climbed each "rung", we jacked them off, and they came all over the statue. An amount of DNA this large would bring it to life!!! The semen filled her metal biddies, make them MEGA BIDDIES. They were the size of Bradley's lies, which were the size of Delien's [Redacted], which was the size of John's brain, which was the size of Aidan's glasses, which were the size of Bryant's forehead, which was the size of what used to be the Great Wall of China. The mega biddies were so mega that they broke down prison walls. All of the inmates started running out of the prison. The gay police, with their dildo batons, we're attacking the inmates and putting them back in their cells. Only one other inmate ended up escaping. He ran up to Bryant and said to him' "Thank you for jacking me off, now I can go see my wife and pound her all night." Before he left he handed Bryant a book, the book was entitled "The Bright Mind of Kanye West and His Lyrical Genius." This book was a huge collection of all of Kanye's lyrics from every song he ever was a part of. We all decided to use these as a new version of the sacred texts.