It's been a daaayyy! But Happy 4th of July. So here's how I feel at this moment, listening to happy music and crying my eyes out.
I make sure I'm not too loud.
I make sure I am alone.
I make sure the lights are off.
I make sure to turn off my phone.
With him sleeping right next to me,
It was hard to get off my bed.
But my journal fills as I made sense
Of the thoughts that were in my head.
It was such a pretty song,
Fill with hope and joy.
But I couldn't stop the tears that flowed
Over the words of a boy.
Was it me that he wanted?
Or did I just pass the time?
Could he truly love me?
Was that such a crime?
I shook and wailed, but silently,
Wringing my fingers tight.
All I wanted at that point,
Was to get through the night.
Part of me wants the pain to come.
Maybe a cut or two.
Maybe visit a friend of mine
That'll disfigure my view.
If I make it out with scars,
I'll always remember this.
But what should I remember?
None of this will be missed.
The music sings of happy things,
But I feel nothing inside.
That's why all the lights are off.
That's why I feel the need to hide.
