What the Heart Wants - JiKook

Chapter 1 - Was it Fate?

I was seventeen when I met him, only three weeks after my birthday. He was barely fifteen and so small. We had auditioned to the same company. Many boys around our age had been there, but by the time the third round was over, only twelve remained. The industry was hard to break into and even harder to survive. We were about to start our journey as trainees together and pray we made the cut. It was all of our dream to become part of an elite musical group and stand on that stage in the spotlight. Unfortunately, not all of us would make it. A group was to be formed with the aspiration of seven perfect members making up a hip hop unit and a vocal unit. I knew from the moment I heard the young boy sing at the first audition that he would be one of the chosen. He would definitely go far. I wanted to be as good as him. I was going to have to work hard to catch up.

Months passed as we trained six days a week for sixteen hours a day in our grueling schedules. We were all so tired, but my little rival, Jungkook, grew better every day, making quick progress. The gap between he and I was growing fast. I didn't have nearly the confidence needed to catch him, but he was the goal I had set for myself to reach. I devoted myself fully to being chosen for the new group, sacrificing sleep to sneak away and train at night. Even with my formal training in performing arts school, my dancing felt lacking. I may have been top of my class, but when I watched him, I suddenly became very insecure. While my dancing put the rest of the trainees to shame, my voice needed a lot of work. It often cracked and didn't perform up to my standards. I felt inadequate compared to the others, especially to him...

One night while I was sneaking out of the dorm bedroom to practice, I tripped over my small rival. He had been sprawled out, half hanging out of his bed. I had thought he was still asleep, since he didn't flinch, but as I trained that night, I felt a pair of eyes on me. When I turned to look, I caught Jungkook peeking from behind the door, watching my every move.

"Jungkookie! What are you doing out of bed!", I rushed to push him out and send him back, "Go back to sleep. Please don't tell anyone you saw me here.", I begged him.

"I can help you, Jimin-hyung.", he spoke softly with the cutest little shy smile, "You sing so well, yet you seem to think you aren't good enough. Why?"

"Go back to bed, Jungkook...", I was irritated, his praise did nothing for my mood.

"Please, hyung, this isn't good for your health."

"Screw my health! I'll never make the group as I am!", he wouldn't understand... he's too good to have such fears. We can't all be so perfect.

"And you can't join the group if you put yourself in the hospital."

"A little lost sleep won't put me in the hospital."

"Maybe not, but not eating will."

"What are you talking about?"

"I watch you, hyung, you don't eat enough, sometimes not at all. How can you train your voice if your body fails? Why do you do it? You're fine the way you are."

I was about to snap at him as my anger bubbled up, but when I saw the concern on his face, shame overtook me. I didn't know that he had been watching me so closely. I didn't think that anyone would figure out what I was doing.

"Jungkook... I'm sorry. I just wanted to get better. My weight, my voice... it's not good enough to be an idol.", I fell to my knees, tears blurring my vision. How had I let this happen? His concerns were right, I knew that, but I was so determined to do whatever it took to catch him.

"Jimin-hyung!", Jungkook ran to my side. "Why, why do you think so little of yourself? Why do you push yourself so hard?"

"Because of you...", I barely got the words out. There was even more shame in them.