𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒. shawn mendes

vii. tears in heaven

Summary : [dad! shawn] You and Shawn go through the toughest time as you both share your last moments with your baby son, Elijah.

Word count : 886 words

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He was less than a day old. Before you went in labour, the doctors had informed you the arising complications Elijah had. Despite the heartbreaking news you still had some hope in you. You cried during labour, from the pain and from the news. Shawn was holding your hands, giving you the support you needed until you finally heard the cry from your newborn.

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You laid on the bed and rested your head on hand as your elbow propped itself. You got a better view of your baby Elijah. You watched him make subtle noises and cries. You teared up every time he yawned. You will never get to see this again. You were frowning the whole time. You brought your finger to him and Elijah's small hands gripped onto your finger.

Tears started to stream down your face as you sniffed. Shawn was sitting just by the bedside. He was in tears. It hurt you seeing him like this, it hurt him too to see you like this. It hurt both of you guys. You guys knew that you were going to lose your only child in a few hours.

Shawn stroked his fingers on Elijah while sniffing and wiping a tear away with the sleeve of his sweater. You went to cup Shawn's face , "Baby it's going to be okay.." You cooed. Shawn nodded. "He's our first.. our only one. I can't just let him go." Shawn cried softly.

You can't help but to cry to what Shawn said, you wipe a tear away and recompose yourself, "I know baby. But he's hurt. He's suffering." You said as you stroked your fingers on Elijah's chest. "He doesn't deserve that. The doctors have tried."

Shawn's eyes and nose were red. His lips were chapped. He was pale. You two have been spending your last moments with Elijah for a while now and you two weren't going to spend a second away from him. You kissed Elijah's head as you continued to stroke him.

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"Baby?"

"Hm?" You answered with your eyes still shut. You took a rest for a while with Elijah still with you.

"Do you think he would be into soccer? baseball? or maybe hockey?" He asked. I chuckled, "I think he would follow his daddy."

"That's nice to know .. that he'll be just like me. Perhaps he could sing to?"

"Yes Shawn, maybe he can." Shawn grew a smile. "Or maybe he'll be like mummy, he'll grow up and fall in love with a wonderful singer. Come home and tell mummy and daddy all about it. Call him or her the love of his life. Get married and all that stuff. " You kissed his forehead. You both understood that those possibitlies weren't going to happen but you two couldn't help but to be curious about it.

"Do you think he'll like tomatoes?" Shawn asked innocently. You let out a slight smirk at Shawn with your chapped lips , "That depends. Maybe he'll be allergic to them like how daddy wished he was. Or maybe he'll eat ketchup everyday like his mummy." I laughed. Shawn furrowed his brows, "I hope they don't serve you ketchup in heaven lil boy."

As Shawn mentioned 'heaven' I couldn't help but to let a tear roll down. I must've let myself imagine Elijah's future so much so that I lost touch with reality, which was the fact that I was going to lose him.

—

Elijah was still fast asleep. His chest rising and lowering so softly under his pale blue soft onesie.

Shawn had taken out his guitar, and started strumming soft and slow lullabies. I put my head closer to Elijah's as I sobbed.

"Baby?" He asked, I looked up. "Can I play him a song?" I gulped and nodded. Shawn came over to kiss my forehead and Elijah's. He positioned himself on the seat and started strumming slowly.

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day,

'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.

I started to sob just by listening to the way he played and the cracks in his voice. Shawn broke away from his guitar. He sobbed into the sleeves of his sweater. "Come here baby." I said as Shawn put the guitar away and got closer to me and Elijah.

Shawn gave a million light kisses over Elijah, letting his tears fall on his onesie. I let out a huge sigh as I watched. Shawn looked over to me and I closed my eyes as we connected our foreheads. I carried Elijah in my arms, he was about to leave us any second from now.

Shawn kissed my forehead while having his arms around me and Elijah. "We'll get through this baby, okay?" I nodded into his lips and we both took a final look at our son. "Mummy and daddy will always love you lil one. You do well okay? We love you so so so so much."

Elijah felt so light in our arms. His little soul had just left.