𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒. shawn mendes

x. regrets

pure sadness
words: 692

It hurt to see him with someone else. It absolutely ripped her heart apart when he flaunted his new love around the world. He didn't even have the decency to wait a while before going public with his new girl, not even a month.

Y/N wanted to run, to turn around and run from him. She wanted to stay too. She wanted to stay and throw a drink in his face and say something hurtful to at least ruin his mood if nothing else.

She feels helpless and exhausted from the pain she's been forced to live through...the pain he forced on her. She wants to do so much and yet nothing at all for he may have broken her, betrayed her in the worst way, but she can't turn off her emotions - she can't wish him anything but well.

Just as she's about to go, a hand latched onto her elbow.

"Gonna leave without saying anything, eh?"

She turned to meet his expecting gaze, her lips pressed together in a thin line to prevent a quiver passing them. The last thing she wanted was for him to see how much his absence had weakened her.

"What is there to say that you haven't put to actions since the night you told me you didn't love me anymore?" Y/N wasn't spiteful or bitter, simply broken and hurt - and he caused it. Left speechless, Shawn stared at her, his cheeks flushed and his lips parted. What could he say to heal her now? The damage is done and he can't force his heart to feel something he doesn't. He does love her, but he loves someone else more.

"When did you stop loving me, Shawn?" Y/N shrugged his hand off her, wrapping her arms around her middle as if to protect herself from him and the pain he could cause her even if it wasn't intentional.

"I don't know." He whispered, defeated and deflated. There isn't a moment he could pinpoint because that moment never happened. All he could pinpoint is when he realized he fell for someone new and it was no longer fair to Y/N for him to remain by her side when his mind wasn't solely on her anymore.

"Oh." She breathes out, shaking her head.
"Its just that...you're the love of my life and for the longest time I thought I was yours. I see I was mistaken." Y/N shrugged, smiling through her pain as she turned to leave once more, no longer in the mood to eat.

"Y/N, wait!" Shawn ran after her, wanting nothing more than to make amends. But he couldn't, not anymore. She didn't want him to.

"For what, Shawn? Want to hurt me some more? If you're gonna break up with me and then make out with your girlfriend so publicly, I don't owe you shit. Go home and leave me be, because in a while you will be just a scar - a really ugly fucking scar that I will wear with pride." She huffed, just wanting to move on and away from him.

Shawn would regret his choices in the next year, hate his choice in two years and absolutely cry about his choice in three when she marries another man. He'll write songs about her, hoping she'll hear one and know he was still thinking about her and maybe, just maybe, one day she'd call or show up at his door.

She did know the songs were about them, she did feel a familiar heartache, but Y/N never came knocking on his door as he wished. She moved on with a man who never saw her as his second choice and she appreciated the pain she had to survive in order to find this bliss. In a way, she was grateful to Shawn for breaking her heart for she had made it new, bigger and much stronger than before.

And while she thrived, Shawn stayed awake at night with his mind on her, thinking how happy she might be and how he won't ever feel that again as he was happiest with her.