The Eurovision Big Book

Grand Final Running Order

At least this time we didn't have to wait for months before getting it...

1. MALTA

She'll be a great show opener, for sure. However, I imagined something else instead, maybe San Marino. But I can see why they decided to put her first. It completely killed her chances of victory, though — not that I mind.

2. ALBANIA

The producer's plan to get an Albanian NQ failed: she defeated mighty Russia and managed to impact people (or juries) enough before Norway. So this time, the producers took it a step further. They were probably very happy that she drew first half, so they could put her second. No but seriously, why attempting to rob her twice? What's the point? Obviously, they are not purposefully trying to prevent her from getting a good final ranking, but it honestly feels like it. For the second time. Albania made the effort of not revamping their song too hard, so please, do your producer job and reward them rightfully. It doesn't happen often. Anyways, Germany or Russia should have received the spot of death.

3. CZECH REPUBLIC

This choice is a bit weird, but okay. I thought that they would have been put a bit later on, but why not. I still think they'll do well, like a decent top 15. They just have to hope that the televoters won't forget about them.

4. GERMANY

Germany's first half draw is a punishment of sending a song in English when all the other automatic qualifiers — well, except for Israel but they're hosting and still regularly send Hebrew stuff — went for their local tongues. Contenders for the last place much, Schwestern?

5. RUSSIA

Aaaaah a running order that I actually like! Obviously, you'll find outrageous the fact that he performs this early if you're a fan of the song, which I'm not. So I'm actually happy. Hopefully, people will sort of forget about him and he won't end up higher than fifth.

6. DENMARK

She's sort of doomed here, although she's lucky to have avoided dreadful number two. Still mad about your actual number two, producers.

7. SAN MARINO

Being sandwiched between two balladish songs will certainly help him stand out, although I fear he's too close to Sweden, who also have this vintage like-vibe going on. And San Marino is usually less of a jury-bait than Sweden, soooo... They're not a televoters-bait either, for that matter. Let's hope that people will enjoy the fun this brings.

8. NORTH MACEDONIA

Chances are she'll stand out. I think she'll do quite well, maybe a top 15 of some sort.

9. SWEDEN

What a good spot we have here, a feel-good song between two ballads! I like Sweden and I want it to do well, but, y'know...

10. SLOVENIA

This spot is pretty good! They will definitively stand out after Sweden and before Cyprus. It's like an ad break, but without ads or cringy green room moments that we can't hear anyways because of the freaking commentators (do they speak at the same time as the hosts in the UK? That wouldn't make sense since the hosts speak English, and so do the BBC viewers, in theory), depending on the country you're in. We have music instead. Good music, that is. Isn't that nice?

11. CYPRUS

At least she's not opening.

12. THE NETHERLANDS

It's a decent spot for Duncan, considering he drew first half. It's almost like second half, but it's still first half. So he's late but early. These two sentences were meant to be messy. Like the show's organization. Except that the organization was not screwed on purpose.

13. GREECE

Speaking of messy organization, ho had the brilliant idea of putting three favorites right next to each other? The best idea would be something like 'bad song', 'good song', 'bad song', 'good song. Not '(supposedly) good song', 'good song', 'good song'. Let's hope she'll still do well.

14. ISRAEL

Decent spot. He'll stand out. Appeal to the juries. Flop in the televote. Finish mid-table. Classic host entry.

15. NORWAY

Being stuck between two ballads will help them, that's for sure. They're a bit early on, but considering what's to come, I think they can thank their lucky star.

16. UNITED KINGDOM

Second contender for last place, here you come. I feel bad for Michael's voice, because it has been wronged so badly, both by the songwriters (I see what you did there, John, keeping the best song for yourself) and the producers (at least Christer has taste when it comes to picking the best John song). Oh, and, BIGGER.

17. ICELAND

The winning spot. It makes me almost forgive our producers for putting Albania second. Almost. This time, there are no weird songs around Hatari, which will certainly enhance the shock factor. And I won't complain.

18. ESTONIA

They reaaaally like to put Estonia right after Iceland. It can help him out, though. He can be the (Calm After the) Storm that will allow regular viewers to breathe after Iceland. And Victor is Swedish, so, there's that. 

19. BELARUS

I'm not sure she'll really stand out since her pop song is the weakest of the three that we have in a row. Honestly, I would have put Serbia here. It would have been a nice break.

20. AZERBAIJAN

His song is good. His staging is good — as a matter of fact it really impressed my dad last night and he said that he liked it, which is a very good sign that it will appeal to people not usually into this kind of music, because he usually doesn't like pop but still enjoyed it. He'll do well, maybe even top 10, who knows?

21. FRANCE

I still don't believe in a French victory. I also hope it won't happen, because a show organized in France would mean very awkward host jokes either said in French or in English with a horrendous French accent. Anyways, I don't see this winning, because despite the good staging that will stand out, the song is simply not good enough.

22. ITALY

I'm not sure going after France is a good idea, but performing before Serbia certainly is. I'm also glad that he's near the end of the show, because I'm not sure that his perf is memorable enough. The song will appeal to a lot of people though, especially the ones that don't usually watch Eurovision because they're not fond of cheesy Europop songs.

23. SERBIA

Again, I wouldn't have put it here, but well, here it is. She'll benefit from being right before the uptempo mess that is Switzerland. She'll benefit from it, or she'll get forgotten. But since we're near the end of the show, I'd go for the former.

24. SWITZERLAND

He's lucky to be near the end of the show, because he's going to be forgotten as soon as this ↓ mess comes in...

25. AUSTRALIA

I can't believe that this could win. Obviously, the staging is really good and captivating, but for me, it is as if they put colorful polish on top of a yellow, rotten nail. It looks beautiful, but it's still bad on the inside. Because let's be honest, before the rehearsals, it wasn't nearly as hyped, for a very good reason. The song's bad. Even I had my "wow but it's not so bad" moment. But then again, it's EuroVISION, so it's the whole package that counts. Well done Australia, I guess...

26. SPAIN

He's definitively a good show closer. It's uptempo, accessible, and just... fun! A nice way to lift our spirits before the horror show that the results will be...

Now, let's wait and see how it aaaall turns out...