Sebastián

e i g h t e e n

***TRIGGER WARNING***

In this chapter Cristine's mental state is deteriorating, causing her to think irrationally. If you self-harm I would strongly advise you to skip over indicated parts, I will be describing the way she feels the way someone who regularly self-harms would feel. Remember, you are never in this alone, if you need help, help will always be there. 

My head. Pounding. I can hear my heartbeat reverberating in my head. I can't remember the last time I had properly slept. 

The voices, they came more often now that my mind was weak from the lack of sleep. They whispered things into my head all day. 

I think I'm losing my mind. 

'do it'  the voice said, whispering it's sultry voice and evil thoughts into my ear, it's hot breath traveling to and invading all of my senses. It was seducing me, death. 

I haven't slept in days. 

I haven't slept in days. 

I've been haunted by the voices in my head for days. They won't leave me alone.

They won't leave me alone. 

Please, leave me alone...please...

"Cristina" My head snaps up at the unfamiliar use of my name. Sebastián looks at me, eyebrows furrowed. I had completely lost sense of all my surroundings. I look around, confused, starting to panic. "Cristina" Sebstián repeats with more urgency in his voice.

"Yes." I look up to meet his eyes. I thought about how he so easily can let himself turn into a beast, shift into his wolf form, turning into a complete animal. 

"What's going on?" He gets up from where he was sitting across from me and kneels so he is eye-level with me. I was sitting on a couch in our room. We were in our room. 

"I-" I can't stand to look at his eyes any longer, it was like all of the emotions he felt were transferred to me through those pleading eyes. "Nothing. Nothing is going on, I'm just a little sleepy"

Understatement of the year...

"how did you know my full name?" My thoughts shift to something else, not being able to focus on one thing for too long of a time. 

"Crist-" He stops, sounding extremely frustrated. "Cristina Gabriela Lacey, this is honestly the least of our problems now." He sighs, exasperated. 

"You're right...haha" My voice drifts off. "Uh, look, uh...I'm going to do something okay..I'm going to take a shower" I curse myself out for sounding not convincing at all. 

'It doesn't matter, get to the bathroom, do it' The voice whispered. 

'you can't shift, no, you choose not to, you are a disappointment to all those who love you the most, you killed your own family' 

'You are an impure human being, you took a life that was inside you'  No, that's not right...I didn't have a choice...

'Sebastián doesn't want someone like you, a slut, a skank, someone trashy' 

I hear a click from behind me, the bathroom door being closed. I made it. I made it. 

Almost completely detached from my body, I turn the shower nozzle on and go to look around in the drawers for something.

***STOP READING HERE***

For something sharp. Anything. 

I found scissors, a razor. But all I could do was stare at them. I'm not that kind of person right? I wouldn't do this...

'yes, you would, do it, hurt yourself like how you hurt everyone around you' I listened to the voices and put the scissors and razor back where I found them. Then I tell the voices 'No'

'yes' They respond.  The voices were screaming, screaming into my mind, overpowering the sound of the running shower.

I need it to stop. 

Just make it stop. 

Please. 

I grit my teeth together, unable to handle my own mind, but that doesn't do anything. My hands shake and my whole body feels tense. I needed to do something to ease the pain, something. 

My jaw was starting to hurt.

Fingernails dig into my arm, slowly dragging down, picking up bits of skin with it, leaving a stinging sensation behind. They were my own fingernails. My own fingernails digging into my own skin.

I watch as blood slowly starts to seep out of the scratches, stinging and stinging and stinging. 

I do it again. Each time takes a small amount of the pain.

I feel amazing, I can't stop. I don't want to stop. 

***SAFE***

A bang on the door interrupts my thought process. I look up to see Sebastián knocking down the bathroom door. He must have smelt my blood. 

I see his mouth move, it looks like he's screaming and he moves in slow motion. The last thing I hear before I let sleep claim my body once and for all is Sebastián. He was screaming. 

"CRISTINE!"

A/N

Woahhhhhh. I am so sorry for the short chapter. I just felt like this was kind of heavy so I didn't want to draw it out or make it too much. 

I hope those who needed, listened to my trigger warning. I know what you are going through, that's how I am able to describe it so well. I really hope you did not read the marked part, please don't cause any more harm to your mental health because I love you, more than you'll ever know. 

I love all of you humans, I am always here to talk, it's okay I've been through the same thing. 

Keep fighting!

Q&A

Q: What's your ideal vacation?

A: Someplace warm :)