The Shit I Fucking Go Through [ An Ereri Story]

0:04

The next morning I went to school early again to see if there was more bleach I could use. I was praying that Levi wasn't in there again, I just wanted the bleach and then I would leave.

I opened the door and slipped inside only to see the lights already on. I groaned. "What are you doing here now?''

He came out of the corner and looked at me. "I wanna talk.''

"Well I don't.''

"I didn't ask.''

"Then I'll just leave.''

"If you leave you leave, you don't get this.'' he said as he held up a bottle of bleach. My eyes widened and I felt my throat swell. "N-No..'' I said desprately. "Don't take it..''

His eyes flashed with concern. "Hey..I'm sorry. Just listen to me okay? I wanna help you.'' I looked at him in disbelief. "Help me? Don't try me with that shit. No one wants to help me.''

He stepped closer to me and I took a step back. He looked down at my arm and his eyes widened. I looked down to see him staring at my bandages wrapped around my arms.

I mentally kicked my own ass.

"I-It's not--''

He looked up at me and I closed my mouth shut. He glared at me but he also looked so hurt. I didn't understand why. "Why are you doing this to yourself?'' he asked me.

"I-I..I''

I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. He stepped closer to me and I backed up again only for my back to press against the wall. He stopped in front of me and I panacked.

"I-I..I'm sorry.''

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. ''Why are you apologizing?''

My hands started to shake and I could feel my legs about to give out. My breathing became unsteady and I could feel tears prickle my eyes.

Why am I..feeling this sad right now?

"I-I don't know..''

Why do I want him to touch me?

"Eren, what's wrong?''

I want you to hold me.

''Hold me.''

"What.''

My eyes widened. "N-Nothing!" I turned around and ran out of the closet. "Eren!"

I kept running down the hall.

What the hell? I can't cry now!

I squeeze my eyes shut which was a bad idea because I ended up running into Jean. "Hey Ere--hey are you alright? Your eyes are pink, were you crying?!"

At that moment I really wanted to just let it all out and tell him everything. How I get mentally and physically abused at home. How I can't live like this anymore. How last week I stood atop of this very building and was so damn close to just jumping off. Oh how I wanted to tell him.

But instead I put back on that stupid fucking mask.

''Huh? What are you talking about Jean I don't cry!'' I faked a smirk. "You horse.''

He glared at me and started to chase me down the halls all the way to our class. I laughed and sprinted as quick as I could.

+

''Mom I'm home!''

"Oh Eren! Come and meet my friend and her son I told you so much about!"

She didn't tell me shit.

I went into the dining room and almost puked when I saw Levi and what looked like his mother besides my mom who was giving one of her sickening fake smiles. "Oh honey! You've met Levi before right?''

I simply nodded. Levi looked over at me and I almost screamed when I saw a huge a bruise on the side of his face. Yet he still managed a small smile towards me. I waved back.

My mom looked at me once more. "So Eren how'd sc--''

"I got to go.'' I said and ran away. But before I really left I crept back over them and listened to their conversation.

"See?? You see what I told you! He's such a fucking brat!"

"I know! Carla I didn't think he was that bad.''

''Hey..'' I heard Levi's voice. "I told you not to say stuff like that to him!"

SLAP!

My eyes widened as I ran back into the room. "The hell?!'' I thought that it was Levi's mother that had slapped him but it was actually my own. That pissed me off.

"Don't touch him!"

My mom looked at me with wide eyes. "Or what? Huh?''

I grunted. "Just don't touch him!"

My mother slapped me and I went flying into the wall. A shelf also fell onto to me and smacked me in the back of my head. "FUCK YOU!" I shouted in pain. I could hear Levi's mom gasp as she walked closer to me.

"No mom!" I heard Levi shout. "Stop!"

''Do it.'' I heard my mother say.

I felt something plung into my leg. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I opened my eyes and saw a dinner knife in my leg. Tears prickled my eyes again as I looked up at my mom. "I-I'm your son!''

My mom scoffed. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled the knife out of my leg. I stood up and ran out the house. I heard my name being called but I could care less.

Are you finally gonna do it?

''Yes.''

___________________

:'(