Rudra POV
Watching Shivaay bhai get happily married to the women he loves made me be truthful about my own feeling
I have been lying to myself but mostly lying to soumya,The women I love
This past month has been the best in my whole life!I have rediscovered why I loved soumya and when I started to love her
This past month has also shown me why I betrayed her in the first place and it wasn't because of Tia
I watched silently as Tia once again made a spectacle of herself and watched as Shivaay bhai fought for his wife and it was at the moment I knew the reason of my betrayal
I was a coward!I am a coward!
Watching Anika bhabhi defend Shivaay bhai was like looking at a mirror for me
Looking,remembering times when I had been defenceless and Soumya had come to my rescue
We were best friends every since we were kids and when I was a kid I was overweight we both were and no matter how rich I was !I was still bullied!
At that difficult time in my life I had one defender and that was my sumo!
A girl who had a weakness for food but was self confident, she stood as my shield in school and no matter how Much she was insulted she stood firm
"Ani didi says she loves me the way I am and I love you the way you are....so why are you so sad!" Soumya had asked sitting next to me as I cried after someone had said something horrible to me
It also just occurred to me that ani didi she use to talk about when we were kids was Anika bhabhi
Now I can easily see the similarities between Soumya and Anika bhabhi!
Not in looks but in personalities,both very soft- hearted but tough when need be and both very loyal,a trait I wish my brother share with me
Things started changing between Soumya and me when I became older and i discovered body builder
As my body changed so did my attitude!I no longer needed Soumya I had discovered new friends....people who had been my enemies before
I started to hate Soumya cos she was a reminder of my younger days but I could let her go cos unknowingly I loved her
So I pushed her when I wanted,pulled her when I needed and she let me!She let me!
"Are you OK!" She asked after the commotion happened looking a little worried
I nodded and tried to walk away, feeling my chest tighten at my realisation of the extent of my betrayal
I blinked away tears trying to catch some air,"Rudra!"Soumya shouted at my face a I suffered a panic attack
"Come on!" She pulled to a balcony overlooking our garden,"Breath with me...in...out...in...out!"
I stared at her doing as she was telling me!I knew I have to explain myself to her but what do I say,"Soumya I just had another realisation! I'm sorry?"
The first realisation was when I just met Soumya again after a lot of years and the feeling I have been burying hit me across my face like a hammer
Now I have understood that I have love Soumya ever since we were kids when she used to share her food with me
I loved her when I mocked her with my so called friends when we were teens
I loved her when I denied knowing her when we were in college
I loved her when I married her and later abandoned her!
I have always loved Soumya Kapoor but I was ashamed of that love,so I let myself and other shame,humiliate and degrade that love so I could hide from it!
Only I never could! All that simply serve as a cover till the cover was destroyed and all was left was love!
"Rudra!" Soumya screamed at me face and shaking my shoulders,"I have been talking with you for the last 10 minutes and you having not been listening!"
She looked angry her cheeks turning red and all I could think was' she looked adorable'
I walked closer to her,my heart and mind totally in agreement, I wasn't nervous or anxious just calm at that moment I knew exactly what I wanted to say to her
"Soumya I know I have promised to never repeat this again but for the last time I am Sorry!Not only for the wedding but for every pain,hurt, disappointment and heartbreak I give you since we were kids..."
"....I knew what I was doing when I hurt you and I have no excuse
I love you!I loved you all along but what I know now is my love was very weak,it was easily influence by anything and everything...."
"...you are stronger than me so I'm begging your to help take this weak love I have for you and help make it as strong as yours,My love might be weak but its crippling I can't let you go!" I fall on my knees once again begging for a chance to atone but this I knew where and when I went wrong
This time I didn't just want My wife back but also My Sumo who always sat with me when we were kids pretending to not see tears running down my eyes as I cried
I was to restart my life!To rebuild the love that was so easily broken so it can't be broken again!
It will take years but I am willing to wait for her!My Sumo!!
"Soumya POV
It was the second week after we decided to be friends again that I realised I was still in love with Rudra
I panicked,cried and screamed when it happened till I figured out that My love for him didn't change anything
He was still the man who married me and abandoned me,I couldn't trust him anymore
The problem with me figuring out my feeling for Rudra was now I would constantly be looking if he will do anything to earn back my trust
He had tried everything in the book but nothing he has tried has touched my heart
Nothing has made me want to forgive and forget til now
As I looked at him kneeling on the floor with tears streaming down both our faces I knew i had found what I was looking for...Acknowledgement
Till the moment he said it I didn't know I still hurt from the things he did in the past
The way he had disregarded me as a friend and a women
I don't trust Rudra but I do trust the pain his eyes ....as he seem to realise what he had done to me
I don't trust him but I trust his willingness to try to be better than what he Is
And fortunately or unfortunately I love him so I have to try too!
I knelt on the ground with and say,"I love you Rudra but because of everything that was done I can't trust you won't hurt me again but I am once again be willing to try...."
"...it might take a long time maybe years for me to completely trust your again ,are you willing to try with me!" I said holding his face in my hands making sure his eyes were looking right at me,so I can see his truth
"I am willing to try!" He promised me sincerely, I pulled his face to mine kissed him to seal the deal
It might be foolish to others my giving a chance to Rudra again but I wanted to try and that all you can ask a human being
"I'll try!" I also promised too,it might take all our lives to fix what was done but we are both willing to try!
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WHEN YOU HURT SOMEONE OR ARE HURT IT DOESN'T MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR WITH A SORRY!ONE NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO WORK AT IT TILL THE HURT IS MENDED!
JUST TRY!
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