Burn It Down (A sequel to Architect of my heart)

Chapter Four.

I had been home for a few weeks and I was slowly getting back to normal. Except for sleeping.

Every night. I lay there and try to fall asleep to the sound of Seth's heart beat and breathing. It used to put me right to sleep before the coma.

Now, it was a challenge to sleep more than 2-3 hours a night. I wake up in the middle of the night after sleeping for a few hours and go into the kitchen to get a glass of water and I stay there until I feel tired enough to try and fall asleep.

I make sure I'm extra careful and quiet not to wake Seth or Paisley up from their sleeping.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever go back to how I was. Getting shot and put into a coma really puts things in perspective. What if I had never woken up? What if I had died? How would could I leave my husband and my daughter? How would they have been without me?

"Marlie?" I turn my head and see Seth standing there. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asks and I bring my hand up to my face and felt the wetness of face. How long had I been crying?

"I-I don't know." I stutter and he walks up to me and places himself in between my legs where I was sitting on the counter. He looks up at me with a look full of worry. "What's wrong darlin?" He asks again and I shake my head and lean forward, placing my head on his shoulder. He brings one hand up and places it on the back of my head.

"I couldn't sleep, so I came in here for some water." I mumble into his shoulder. I pull my head back and his eyes meet mine. He pushes my hair behind my ears and places a kiss to my forehead.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" He asks me and I lower my head down onto his chest and feel the tears building up in my eyes. "Darlin. You're worrying me. Was it something I said or did?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, you didn't do anything. I promise." I say and lift my head back up. "Then what is it?" He asks, lowering his hands to my shoulders and looking into my eyes.

"I haven't been able to sleep since I came out of the coma. Every night I come in here by myself and try to make myself tired." He still looks at me with worry and confusion. "Is there anything I can do?" He asks me and I shake my head. "No. Tonight you just caught me. It's one of the worst nights I've had since coming home."

"Why is that?" He asks me, hands now on the counter next to each of my legs. "Because I got in my head. Like what would have happened if I never woke up or if I died on the spot? How would you and Paisley be?"

"Shh shh, come here." He says and he wraps me up in his arms. "You're here. You're alive and you're safe. Paisley still has both her parents. There's nothing to worry about." He tells me, squeezing a little tighter after each sentence. "I love you Marlana. Never forget that."

"I love you too but I'm afraid that I'm losing you." I tell him and the truth finally comes out.

"What are you talking about? I'm right here. I've always been right here. Even when we tried to play hard to get I was here. I was here when Kai tried to pull us apart. More importantly I was here when you got shot. You're not losing me, darlin. Don't think that you are."

"If that's true then why do you treat me like I'm made of glass now? You've barely touched me and you walked on eggshells around me. I'm not fragile and everyone needs to fucking know that!" I yell and my heart rate starts to get faster. Breathing becoming shorter and quicker.

"Marlana baby, please calm down. You're panicking. Breathe baby. Breather. I'm right here. I love you." He says and pulls me into a hug. "I know you're not fragile but you don't understand what I went through. You jumping in front of me. You lying there in a hospital bed, not knowing if I'd have you back. So, yes, I'm a little more cautious but it's only because I love you and I don't want to lose you again. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. I fucking love you, Marlie. I can't go through that again. I just can't." By time he finishes we're both in tears.

"I-Im sorry Seth. I didn't realize."

"You don't need to apologize. The doctor said you have to be careful with your heart rate getting to high after recently waking up. You're still not 100% and I want you to be healthy again. I know you want to get back in the ring and I know you want me to touch you but I just can't risk that right now. All I wanted to do was throw you on the bed and kiss every inch of your body because that's how much I missed every inch of you but I couldn't. I don't want to be the reason you risked your life for again."

"Seth, I love you. I understand now. It's just been so hectic with you having to leave and come back,  I just haven't had the time to talk to you and I'm so sorry. I've been so consumed with me and how I'm feeling that I forgot to take a step back and see how you were dealing with it."

"You don't have to apologize. You've only been home a few weeks so of course it's a tough transition but you're a warrior. You always have been and I cant wait to see where you go once you heal."

"Thank you, I love you."

"I love you too. Now let's try and get some sleep." He says grabbing my hand and leading me to our bedroom