Love always Ash xx | a.i . au |

9. "What if he doesn't come out of it?" *new version*

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18/10- 13--

Not having anything to do is boring, something that's even more boring is having nothing to do when you're alone.

I sit on my bed leaning against pillows I've laid against the wall. I've sat here for what feels like minutes but my cup is still warm as I slowly stir around my spoon; letting the honeys sweet taste take over the teas bitter one. I take a sip from the tea and pick up my phone in try to entertain myself. I let myself slip over to my conversation with Ash to see how he's feeling. He didn't come to school yesterday, he usually isn't at school after the first therapy of the week but I did send him a text yesterday to see how he was. After school however I didn't have the chance to see him because of a stupid assignment I had to do, Ough.

To *Dork boyfriend♥:

Heeey cute locks (smile kiss emoji)

I smile and lock my phone and start my TV as I wait for reply. Lucky me "The originals" is on as I click through the canals and decide to watch some hearts get ripped out. 30minutes into the show I haven't gotten an answer yet, I've checked my phone every 5minute, but the only thing coming up is notice from all time low's twitter. I drag on a pair of tights and run down the stairs and put on my converse before I run over to Ash's house. I don't want to be like an obsessive girlfriend but if your boyfriend has gone through such things as Ash has, I think you have permission to be over obsessive. I just want to know how he's feeling.

I knock on the front door and Mrs. Walker opens. "Oh hello Sophie" she smiles but just stands in the doorway, "I was just making some soup for Ashton" she clear her voice still having a little smile on her face, its quite obvious that not everything's right. "Can I see him?" I ask as I stare at the dark brown stairs behind her. "I don't know Ashton isn't feeling so good" she say looking me in the eyes. Her eyes are sad and I can tell that the therapy isn't really a help. "Maria I've seen Ashton at some of his worst stages and if he is really going down again I want to try to help" I tell her in stern tone, she nods her head and give me the small smile again before letting me in "Thank you" I nod before I walk up the stairs. The smell of vanilla is still in the air since two days ago like nothing's changed.

When I come up to Ash's door I were on my way to knock stop as I hear a voice. "I know that you're tired because this keep happening, but it will disappear sometime right? I know that you never really have taken in...Maria and Fred as your parents and I understand why" a little smile form on my lips as I recognize the voice of Caroline. "But you know I'm your sister we stand by etch other through anything, just please come down and at least eat and talk to us, maybe it help a little?" a raspy voice answer her: "tomorrow" "love you", "love you".

I stand by the door as it opens and Caroline come out with a sad expression. She closes the door and looks up. She drags in a breath and say "Hi". "Hi" I reply, "You okay?" I ask and try to get eye contact. "Ye- No" she says and locks eye contact with me before she leans into me. I hold her trying to not let a tear slip to as I feel my shoulder getting wet. She looks up at me, "I don't know what to do Soph, he goes in and out of this depression an- and what if he doesn't come out of it?" I open my mouth. My mind can't think as I hear the words coming out of her mouth. I don't want to think about it, but what if I have to think about it to get him out of it, give myself a push. A hard one. A real one. I have to do more, much more. He's 19! It shouldn't be there.

"No one can really tell how he feels, do you know? He won't talk to me, he don't want to worry me he says b-ut doesn't he understand that I already am?" she continues to whisper to me. "Maybe we have to try harder this time?" I whisper back and stare in front of me, not knowing what else to say. I give her a squeeze then pull away. "I'm going to talk to him" she nod and wipe away her tears and walk down the stairs.

I take a shaky breath, take the gold handle and open the dark wood. Ash's room lights up as I open the door. The room is pretty much the same as always; dark blue walls, dark brown floor, a different colored carpet, a black nightstand and a bed in the middle. The only difference in the room is candles standing everywhere, some are put out from long ago and some are still burning spreading the vanilla aroma in the room. I see Ash sitting dressed in a sweater and sweatpants on his bed leaning against the headboard with his head tilted upwards. I can see his visible skin covered with sweat, long hair hanging everywhere and his usual hazel, green eyes taken over by his pupil. His lips are shaking and soundless breaths fall from them. I have only seen him like this a few times and each time he has just gone back to his normal self in seconds. I close the door making the room darken again. I put on the lights, I can see his eyes shifting to me and straighten up. "Hi Soph" he says, his voice coming out in a weak whisper. I can feel myself frowning as he cough and push himself up, acting as if everything's okay. I stare back at him not wanting to be sad or mad. I don't have anything to be mad about but the anger is stronger than the sadness and I feel slightly overwhelmed by emotions. I've only been in here seconds and my emotions are already giving up on me? "Don't do that" I say my voice not any louder than his. His fake smile melts down into a line, his eyes blank shining as he looks at me. I sit down beside him. "I'm sorry Soph" he says and throws his head back breaking his eyes away from me. "I just want you to talk to me" I sigh, "I want you to tell be about it"

"I can't talk about it- I don't want to" he turns his head and look at me frustrated. "But maybe you have to" I say voice cracking and just as frustrated. I just want to rip out all the things bothering him and slaughter them until there's nothing more than torn up pieces left leaving them broken so they can feel Ash's pain of what it's done to him.

"LET IT GO SOPIE!" I jump as I hear the raspy yell. "TtHERE'S NOThing YOU Can do ABOUT IT" he yell again his voice breaking into whispers and yells.

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{{Random question: Who is your official Bae right now?<'g' >

''* Mine is Demi Lovato♥(my official QUEEN!) *'' =*o*=

#: Julia ox --'c'—

*I changed the chapter bc I thought my first version was short and not so detailed written.*