Love and its Timing

Chapter 3

“Yes I have to tell him, but he’ll be furious about it. Arghhhh!” I sighed to myself.

I have been arguing with myself for the past hour whether I’ll tell Jake about my promotion today or to wait till he comes back.

“Alliyah, you have to tell him right now or you have to kill yourself from thinking about what ifs.” I told myself as I reached my phone on the bedside table and dialed Jake’s number.

“Hello?” from an unknown voice of a girl after 3 rings. 

“Hello???” the girl again asked. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know who this person is. I don’t want to be judgmental, but I want to know who this person is.

“Uhhm Hi is Jake there? “It feels so awkward.

“Yeah, he just got out of the shower. Let me hand him his phone.” The lady told me without even asking who I am. (Probably she knows how to read the name on the caller ID.)

“What’s up princess?” He told me.

“Jake we need to talk.” I told him in a serious tone.

“Babe the dinner is ready, please finish that fast” the girl in the background said, and then I heard the sound of the door closed behind him.

“Oh please Aaliyah, if this is because of that girl, she is no one. So you don’t really have to be jealous.” He said annoyed.

“No. This is about us.” I raised my voice.

“Probably that can wait till Friday night. My mom is now waiting for me. And please stop being a brat.” He then hangs up the phone.

I looked at my phone as if I could see what he is doing. I lay down on my bed looking at the ceiling, trying to connect the dots of what just transpired within our call.

I can’t explain what I am feeling right now. I know I should be hurt because of what I heard but I don’t. I honestly don’t would this mean that I don’t have that too much affection for him and I can easily let him go? I just feel betrayed, that’s all. I just feel that it’s unfair that I put him on a pedestal. I burned all the bridges. I also somehow feel happy. I don’t know the reason of this happiness, maybe because I won’t be that guilty when I tell him I can’t quit my career. I fell asleep thinking about the call.

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“It has been 3 years, but why didn’t you come back?”  A familiar voice asked me. He was holding my hand tightly. A tear fell from his eye and I can feel it drop on my hand. I can feel the pain.

“I did, but you weren’t there.” I said as I looked at the guy. His face is still blurred but I can see his gray eyes, full of pain, hurt, and disappointment.

“I was there. I never left.” He looked straight to my eyes as if he’s reading my soul. Reading is an understatement, he actually captured it.

“Please come back to me.” He said as he put my hand on his check and kissed it.

************

I woke up feeling broken because of my dream. This is the first time I had this dream. It’s different but somehow the same. It’s the same guy. It’s the same feeling of hurt, suffering and desire of being together. We are in a middle of a bridge. I don’t even know what that means but the place is so calming.

That feeling that someone is like literally tearing your heart apart. Why does every time I dream about him, I have this feeling that it’s something so real. So real that I’d want my dream to become my reality. It’s really complicated, but it feels like I have an unfinished business that I need to deal with or is it even real to begin with. Why don’t I remember the guy and the place but the feeling is so familiar?

I need to deal with this. ALONE. I need to figure myself out. I need to know if this dream is true or just a product of my imaginative mind, if this dream does even mean anything or if it can be the reason why I don’t feel so affectionate with Jake anymore.

I decided to talk to Jake about me not quitting my work, and me to have a “ME” time. I will also tell him that I need time and space to let go of the dream that has been haunting me. I need this, not only for I to have a peace of mind but also to clear everything up with whomever that man is or with what our situation is in the past.