Twisted

Chapter 6

Of course if something goes perfect for me it never stays like that.

It was finally going good with my crush and my friends ruined it for me.

They humilate me!

They tell him things that i said to them about him.  They tease him!

I dont know what he even thinks of me anymore.

This kills me  espicially when i get a text from him saying "one of your friends walked up to me and asked me to tell you not to text about u and me"

My face is red i cant even do anything about it.  I cant trust anyone anymore!  They should understand that i have never felt good about anything.  And he was the one thing i could be happy about it.  Of course im going to want to talk about it

But they ruin it for me.

Does anyone ever listen to me?!  Can anyone ever understand me?!

I started crying a little after reading the message.

Why is my life so messed up?

Cant i be like others.

My teachers can tell my better days by my better grades.  Sometimes my grades will go down so much that they have to call my parents.

But i dont want my parents to know because then they want to talk about it

And i DONT so it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I wonder how life is for others?

I mean i am popular and nobody knows about my twisted life.  They only know what they see at school.

I am popular meaning that i have many friends but not cheerleader popular or anything.

I have some guy friends that are close and they like me more than a friend but they know that i like someone else.

But we still hang out during school and walk to classes together and sit at lunch together.

I sometimes see some of my friends hanging out after school when i get picked up from sports.

I feel a little jealous but then i remember that i am at sports and i get to see my crush.

I still love the feeling of being liked and wanted from friends and guys.

My life is all a lie pretty much.  I show people at school who i want to be and what i want them to think of me as.  But its just the other side of me.

At home is another life that my parents cant take but they dont know my past or anything.  So they dont understand.  But they still think that i never get any attention and they try to give me attention.  But i dont want the attention of them.  I just want a social life.

I cant do anything that a lot of other teens can do because of my brother.  But thats gonna change when my brother goes to residential.

But i dont want him to go!

I will be crying over a stupid thing like this!  But im soo used to it.  I cant take this anymore i just want the world to freeze and i want to be able to pick up the others.

I feel like the worlds crumbling around me and i am left to pick up the pieces but i cant and its too much and im failing the others around me.

Do you get it?

Probably not because i am just this stupid idiot that nobody likes and thinks i am so weird!

My crushes brother in the same wing as us actually a twin.

But he is always judging me and telling my crush things.  And it makes me feel like i need to be better, then what i am already.  But my crush likes me for what i am. 

 But his twin isnt making my life any easier.  Just more stress.  His twin keeps saying negetive things about me and i really cant stand it.

But im not gonna get in his face about it obviously. That'll just make me into a bigger idiot.

The world needs to slow down so i can keep up with it.  Its going too fast.  I am losing my memory and things are happening that dont make sense. 

Theres too much stress with work at school, sports, my family, friends, keeping a smile, not losing my temper, trying to fit in, keeping my health, and doing well at actually living.