The Other Half Of Me - Liam Payne Fanfic

Chapter Ten

**Caylen's Point of View**

Driving helps me think. Everyone else has been asleep for some time. After we got everyone packed up into the van, Calum felt it would be a proper celebration to go back to C'est La Vie! and toast to the band's new opportunity, the wonderful friends we have, and the trip we were about to embark upon. This also meant though that in order to also properly leave the city, one of us must stay sober.

I volunteered. 

I had had enough drunkeness the for the week and frankly I enjoy driving at night. 

It's peaceful, silent, the emptyness unfolding itself in front of you, waiting to suck you in as you travel further and further along the roads into the night. 

It helps me think. 

The almost mindlessness of the activity, but still alert to keep brain activity functioning enough for adequate reaction time should a situation propose itself in the depths of the liquid night.

After the gang got sufficiently intoxicated on Lord knows how much beer and liquor and it was nearing three in the morning, I managed to rally everyone into the car with a final whoop from the rest of the attendance of the bar cheering for safe travels and London's finest underground band kicking the rest of Spain's music industry's butt at the festival. It was funny to say the least to see Harry and Madi stumbling out of the bar shouting about getting on the road and Calum behind them singing along to some unheard melody at some ungodly key with words unknown to everyone, probably including Calum himself. 

Moments later, everyone was passed out on the mattresses and seats in the back of the van and we were traveling along the streets of London and starting our road trip with a bang. Sort of. The bar celebration was a good idea. I will give Calum that, but I just wasn't feeling it tonight. 

With some radio station playing in the background as white noise, Ashton passed out in the passenger seat, and only knowing the general direction of where we needed to be heading, we leave the city we all know and love so much behind for a brief period as we start this new adventure. 

I felt it was a fitting start. Everyone sleeping, because there are sure to be many sleepless nights of partying and music, so it's good they're getting as much rest as possible now. Whether it's alcohol induced or not. 

Thinking. 

That was my start. 

It kind of fits as well. 

Starting this new chapter and just pondering life. 

My life's been an interesting one. Multiple different ups and downs, ins and outs, and here and theres. I don't really know how to fully explain it. Growing up in the US, imagining that fairtale life when I got older and how perfect life seemed back then. No issues. No worries. It was absolutely amazing and I had no idea. All I wanted was to grow up. 

If only I knew what was in store later down the road. 

I would have made different decisions, laughed a little bit longer in the good times, and appreciated the comfort in the bad a little bit more. I would have stayed with people and really basked in their warmth longer. But I always have the burning question of would I be where I am today if I had changed even the slightest thing in my past? Made one decision differently? Cried a little longer that one time? Not allowed for myself to heal the way I did? I hate having that burning thought in my mind, because I feel given the chance, I would change everything I did in the past to spare myself the pain and torment I faced for so long and even fight off to this day. It's not something I can actually change though, but I imagine a doppleganger of myself, free from all the pain, the hurt, the saddness that the original version of myself has boiling under my skin, steaming and searing the insides of my mind and body.