• Aɴɢᴇʟɪᴄ Rᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ •

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ VII

let there be wars

within you,  that's

how you will know

how strong your

soul is.

- parth

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Dinner is endured in mostly silence. No one dares to mention the topic that was the elephant in the room. My fork scraping against the porcelain plate, I pick at my food, all appetite lost.  Staring down at the mashed potatoes I pray that we can get through dinner without fighting. Taking a sip from my glass every few seconds I try my best to avoid any ability to answer upcoming questions. 

"So..." Melissa begins. I look up from my plate. "Noah is a good friend from school? You've never brought any of your other friends home" She smiles at me encouraging. I take another sip of water, buying myself a few extra seconds. 

"He ehm.." I gulp down some more water "He just started today, actually" Nodding to myself confirmingly, I nudge to a piece of broccoli with the end of my fork. 

"He must have just moved then" Melissa wondered out loud and I refrain myself from confirming her speculation. 

"I'm gonna head up to my room. I got a lot of homework for tomorrow" I quickly excuse myself before rising from the dinner table. No reply was made, and I took it as silent permission to dismiss myself. Before I head upstairs I leave my plate by the sink. 

Halfway up the stairs my phone buzzes. I pull it out and the light on the top indicates that I have indeed received a message or a notification.  

Noah Centineo sent you a friend request. 

Sighing and without much thought to it, I hit the accept button appearing on my screen and place my phone back in my pocket. As I decide to continue up the stairs a hushed conversation, coming from the kitchen, reaches me and I stop dead in my tracks. Curiosity gets the better of me and I lower myself down unto one of the carpeted steps and listen. 

"She's going through a rough time Hun, but she's gonna pull through" John's voice is calm and reassuring. They're talking about me. 

"John, she's hasn't even touched the pills, and the nightmares aren't getting any better. I can't keep waking up every night to her screaming. It breaks my heart to hear her like that" Melissa's voice breaks. I hear her small sniffles before they're muffled by what I can only assume is John hugging her to his chest. Guilt nags at me and I can't help but feel bad for the two. They are having a hard enough time as it is. I am not the only one who lost someone dear to me the day of the accident. My aunt lost her sister, and John his best friend, and now I was causing them even further pain by worrying them about my health. 

"We can't pressure her to do anything she doesn't want to. She's an adult after all. But maybe Mrs. Main will get through to her tomorrow. You never know." John is trying his best to soothe his wife in her distress.

"I hope so. I just wish she could tell me what she needs. I don't know what to do John". Tiredness takes ahold of her voice. She sounds exhausted and I start to feel even worse. I am the reason she's not sleeping properly. I am the one waking her up at night. I feel bad for not being able to do anything about it. The pills standing lone on the dining table downstairs come to mind and my stomach immediately fills with dread. I know what I have to do; I just don't want to. But that might have to be something I need to overcome. If not for myself, then for Melissa and John. 

I did not want to hear any more of their conversation, I needed time to think. I tip-toe upstairs quietly and let myself into my room. Removing my clothes, except my underwear, I pull my dad's t-shirt over my head. The hem of the shirt reaches just above my knees and the scent whiffs past my nose. It smells like him. The scent is indescribable. It's just dad. It was special. The shirt fits loosely, and I pull the fabric up to my face, breathing in slowly while closing my eyes. I try my best to picture him as if he was standing before me. His dark green eyes staring back at me accompanied by a warm reassuring smile.  I picture his out-grown, buzzcut, ash-blonde hair knowing full well he always tried to keep the length under an inch. But when I try to remember the sound of his voice, I can't. The image fades and I am left alone in my room.  Letting go of the shirt I dry the tears from my eyes with the back of my hands. 

Turning around towards my mirror I take a look at myself. My dark blond hair hangs loosely around my face, framing it awkwardly. My eyes, slightly bloodshot, and surrounded by a small amount of smeared mascara, stares back at me. I wonder why my eyes aren't as pretty as my mother's eyes were. Her clear blue always stood out when she smiled. My cheeks are flushed and the lighting in my room makes my skin appear darker than it is. 

A dark spot appears in the mirror. Right in the middle. As rings in water, the dark mass spreads across the surface. It reminds me of ink, or maybe black clouds. My reflection morphs weirdly before slowly dissolving, giving space for the blackness. It slowly takes shape and the edges get more and more defined. My body tense. The small hairs on the back of my neck rise. My heart pounds against my ribs painfully. I grip onto the t-shirt for dear life. 

"It's not real". 

I try to reason with myself, remembering one of the few things Mrs. Main told me. My eyes water with tears as I can no longer see any bits of my reflection in the mirror. The shape stops moving and my breath gets caught in my throat.  The tears roll down my cheeks and drip off my chin one by one till I can no longer control it, and a small panicked sob leaves past my chapped lips. 

"It's not real".  My voice shakes and I dizzily take a step back. 

"None of this is real. You're standing in your room, by yourself. Melissa and John are downstairs. You just heard them talking about you. This is a hallucination". Trying my best to ground myself does not help and hopelessness fills me. 

The silhouette of a man stands in the mirror. This is not like any of my previous visions and my panic spikes. What is happening to me?

My chest locks and the room sways for a bit before I compose myself. The face of a man I have never seen before appears. Dark tousled hair frames his face, but it is his eyes I take notice of. Dark pools of murky waters draw me in, threatening to drown me. 

I stumble backward yet again but this time the room keeps spinning. Like an old tv shutting down, the corners of my sight darkens, growing and closing me in. Finally, a numbness takes hold of me. Nausea and chest pains disappear and I slip into a sweet sleep consisting of nothingness. Something I so desperately needed.