Make Your Move...before it's too late

Part Six

Soaking wet but happy we jump into Cal's car, still parked out the front of Ash's apartment and he hits the petal as soon as he hears me click my seatbelt in, knowing I'm safe he drives off, only slowing when I ask "where are we going?". By now its past midnight, almost 2 in the morning, and as much as I want to spend all night running around with him in rooftop pools, I am beyond tired. Cal hands me back my phone, luckily he had taken it out before I pulled him into the pool, and asks me to get directions to my apartment. I smile, and move to turn on my phone, then remembering that it's flat. "Here, you can use my charger, its connected in the glove box", "thanks" I reply and plug it in to charge while I give vague instructions on how to get back to the place we met, knowing how to get to mine from there. By the time we arrive at the location my phone is charged enough that I can use it to get directions from there. We arrive out the front of my small apartment building and I instantly retract into myself, suddenly feeling very self conscious of where I live in comparison to Ash's, "I'm sorry it's not as grand as Ash's place, it was so beautiful, I don't know how he lives there all alone", Cal leans over, ensuring me that he doesn't care for things like that "and Ash hasn't always lived alone, for a while Luke moved in with him, but that was before Sierra. Ash is a great friend, and he puts us first, sometimes before himself, and because of that when we no longer need his help, he feels alone. I think thats why he acted so weird about you, when Luke got a girlfriend he was happy for him, it meant he was getting better and didn't need the company of Ash to keep him from feeling down. But it's always been different with me." I smile, concerned and intrigued about his friends, wanting to know more, and understanding he needs to share his thoughts with someone I turn in my set and face him, giving him my full attention, holding his hands in my lap, rubbing his hand with my thumb I ask "and why is that?". He scrunches up his mouth, struggling to undertake it himself, eventually he lands on the answer that "he is my best friend, and I'm his, but he is protective of me, I've made a few mistakes n my life, stupid childish things, but every time I'd come asking him for help or advice or support. Ash didn't have a dad, and he isn't a father, but he has younger siblings, a lot younger, and he treats me like a brother, Luke and Mikey too, but we've just always been closer. Maybe it's hard to see someone you've helped your whole life start to gain more than you've ever had, maybe he feels left out, like I'm leaving him behind." "Cal, you are not leaving him behind. Your accomplishments are not his failures and if that's how he views them then he isn't as mature as you seem to think he is. Everyone gets lonely and it probably is hard for him to see you move ahead, but like a father, or a brother, the only thing he should feel towards you for that is proud". Cal's eyes glisten from my words, and slowly his back unclenches, he seems to fall apart in my arms, silently crying he holds me and tells me "I've just been feeling so bad lately, I haven't been doing well, and I didn't tell him because i didn't want to put pressure on him but he knew something was up, and now I know he feels that I've replaced him with you, thats the only reason he would've been acting so weird at the party." Cal senses a shift in the atmosphere, and as much as I want to tell him that that's not why Ash was acting so weird, I can't bring myself to do it, not yet. "Maybe we should head inside" I say, opening he door and walking to the front door. Reaching my hand into my pocket I realise it's Cal's suit jacket, stressing I realise I don't have my purse with my keys inside of it. "Shit I lost my purse!", Cal and I try to retrace my steps, and I realise I must've left it at Ash's, "I had it when we got there, and then I went to get drinks and I couldn't hold them all so... I must have just put it down on the counter or something" I trail off, trying to conceal the truth that I now remember where it is. Ash has it. I couldn't hold the drinks, and he offered to help, and he also took my purse and put it in his pocket to make it easier for the both of us. Not that there is anything wrong with what he did, I just can't mention it or I'm afraid Cal will see that there was something more to our conversation, and I can't lie to him, I've never been good at that. "Well we can't get into my apartment and we can't go back to yours" Cal chimes in "and I'd rather not see Ash right now, I think its better to give him some space. Maybe we could rent a room for a night?" I know how expensive the rooms are around here and as much as I know Cal would offer to pay I just don't feel conformity in letting him. Instead we end up sitting in the boot of his hummer trying to figure out somewhere to sleep. Cal asks me "before, when I told you the reason I thought for why Ash acted so weird at the party, you seemed to falter... do you know something about why he acted the way he did?" I'm stunned, I never thought he'd ask me so straight forward. I have to tell him, there is no option, what else am I supposed to do? "I don't really think its my place to say, Cal". Pulled in he pushes for more, "of course it is, I'm asking you, and he is my friend. I don't see what reason you would have to not tell me". As much as I don't want to tell him, I explain how Ash made a move on me at the party, "he uh, he said some really flirty things, he obviously liked me, and he wanted me to know. When I told him I came wth someone he asked if they were worth it, he wanted me to say no", I didn't say anything I recall, just stood there like a statue...why didn't I say something, why didn't I say they were worth it... Cal is worth it, I believe that, thats how I feel right? I continue, as much as I can bare to share, "but then you came over and he realised the person I was talking about was you...his best friend". Cal lets out a sigh, of relief or maybe just of exhaustion, yet grateful to be aware of the situation at hand. I cross my finger behind my back when he speaks, praying he doesn't ask anymore questions, "I get it now" he says, "why you didn't want to tell me, I'm sorry you were put in that situation. But I mean he stopped when he knew you were with me", looking at me I simply mumble "mhm", continuing, as if to talk himself into the comfort of the lie he adds "so he didn't do anything wrong, but I get why he acted so weird because of it, he must have felt bad". I leave out how he strategically put his hand on my lower back when Cal wasn't looking, how he moved it down a little too far and pressed a little too hard, he wanted me to know he was there. I left out how he caught my eye at every available opportunity, how he left when the conversation turned to Cal and I, or how he waited for me to turn around when he turned up the volume of the song. I left out how I held his gaze, how I didn't step away from his hand, or how part of me didn't tell Cal about Ash's feelings toward me because I was afraid he'd ask me the same question, and I really like Cal, but I can't ignore how Ash made my heart jump at his first words, or how when I first saw Cal I stepped away, whereas with Ash, well, he stepped away from me, when we were pushed up against each other, I didn't move away first. I leave it at that, knowing that if I torture myself any longer with my heart instead of my head I will end up a mess, and I can't do that to myself again. My head tells me that Cal is sweet and gentle and caring, he likes me and I like him. I have to ignore the fact that my heart wants to know the deepest darkest parts of Ash, his heart, his pain, I want to know all of it. Maybe I'm a coward for acting this way, but I give in to the night and my tiredness, leaving my misery for another day.
When our yawns become in sync we lean back against the seats, lying down and looking through the glass roof of the car. "Here, I'll get the blankets from underneath, Ive kept them stored here for years, never used them before though". He closes the boot door because the wind gets too cold, and we find ourselves lying down in the boot of his car with blankets over us. I grab a spare blanket and curl it into a ball to use for a pillow for the both of us. Our heads lay so close together, sharing the small pillow, our noses almost touch as we face each other. The wind whips loudly outside of the car and Cal slowly puts his arm around me, pulling me closer into him, explaining "for warmth", I laugh softly, too tired for anything else "oh yeah, just for warmth", he smiles, and my eyes, heavy with sleep close on me. I hear his breathing in sync with mine, our bodies fall and rise together, and I fall asleep. He whispers "good night Lena" softly and falls asleep shortly after