Make Your Move...before it's too late

Part Nine

Having the morning to ourselves was calming and relaxing I felt like we could live this way forever and it would never really end. However, the time came, the sun rose and ash hang phoned. On the way to the cafe we stopped at almost every opportunity, to look in the window of book stores, at delicately designed sweets and even in a florist on the side of the road where Cal bought me a single sunflower- somehow guessing it was my favourite, but not guessing it would mean more to me than he would ever know. For obvious reasons we arrived late at the cafe and when we finally got there we saw Ash sitting at a table in the window under the sun with a cappuccino in hand. I wait for Cal to spot Ash before heading over to greet him. Ash jumps up to hug Cal and I notice myself freezing a few steps back feeling The Guilt rise in me. cow doesn't seem to notice and takes his seat opposite Ash leaving me standing there a little shocked but trying to regain my composure.  Ash understanding and being aware of how I feel quickly rushes over unnoticeably  to conceal the look blankly stated on my face. With my hair still in braids  Ash takes the opportunity to soften down my flyaways and loose bits of hair that had fallen around my face while softly whispering that he would never do anything to hurt me and that he knows that it needs to be my choice and he will let me make that.
"I just can't hurt him or you and because of that I think I'm only hurting myself and I'm not ready to make a decision and to be quite honest I'm not ready to see you either" I whisper back.
He looks me in the eyes. For a moment I see a flicker of change- not entirely sure which way he leans and what he's thinking I try to push it away- because as instantly as it came, it left, and he turned around, pasted a smile on his face and took his hands away from my face to a more respectful position by his side as he marched back over to his best friend sitting alone at a table waiting for me and him....
When people recount stories they usually interrupt themselves at stages to convince the audience  that what just happened was unlike them and that the way that they are being judged is unfair and unrealistic. I can tell you right now that you can't judge me because you've never been in a situation like I am but I know that that's a cop out and I know that that's always going to be the case because we are never ever in and identical situation to one another but that does not mean that I have a right to tell you how you can view me so go ahead because I have no reason to defend myself on what I did was wrong. and I wish I could convince you to believe me when I say that if I could go back and do this all differently that I would but the fact is that this is how it turned out and there's no point in fantasizing about better versions of my life because this is what was given to me and I'm here because of the decisions I made and that only-i have no one to blame but myself. 
I make my way over to the table to find myself facing another issue-where to sit.
Cal smiles at me the whole way to the table,  he moves over a bit to invite me to sit next to him on the cushioned bench. Ash doesn't move over, but he looks at me and smiles with his eyes, sparkling them at me and I feel as if all of my secrets will one by one fall out onto the table and fill both seats up anyway-then I'd have an easy choice because neither one would want me to sit with them.
I shift my weight onto my other foot and slowly slide in next to Cal, my eyes face the floor the whole time.
Why do I do it? I couldnt say. But it feels like the right thing to do-the right choice however? Well that is an entirely different thing altogether. Despite this, I find myself watching Ash the whole time-it seemed as though wherever I had chosen to sit would have been too close to Ash and too far away from Cal.  I'm sitting right next to Cal, I even move in closer so that our thighs are touching-to remind myself who I am here with-who I came with-and no matter what,  who I will leave with. Ash glares hungrily at me the whole time, our food arrives and I use it as a distraction to look at neither Cal nor Ash for a while.
When the waiter takes our plates away Cal leans back, relaxing in the seat and puts his hand on the inside of my leg, its warm and stable, comfortable and loving. My white sun dress rides up half of my thigh and Cal smirks sneakily at me as I quickly pull the dress over my thigh, leaving his hand under it though. Ash senses the shift in movement and looks at me with a question in his eyes, he questions me and he questions what on earth I am doing with Cal when I've been looking at him this whole time. I look right back at him-the same question in mine. 
Cal suddenly gets a call and looks at me asking if he can take it-I nod
"Of course" I say.
"Thank you" and he kisses my forehead and turns to look out the window as he gives short responses to whoever is on the other side of the call.
When he hangs up he turns to both Ash and I and says something came up with his sister and he has to help her out with something today. I interrupt him before he can go any further "Cal don't worry I'll be fine by myself" I laugh as I continue "you go ahead and help Mali. She has a great brother, I wouldnt want to ruin that in a million years". He smiles sweetly at me in response and then as if remembering Ash is here too, turns to him and shocking us both, says "Ash! You're not doing anything today-you can show Lena around town, get to know each other! Then meet me later" I interject before Ash can say something stupid "Cal, I live here remember, I don't need to be shown around the town".
There is a pause and Cal turns away from me to look at Ash. Understanding this call for help from Cal, Ash speaks up "Darling, Mali doesn't live here. And what he means by me not doing anything today-well he means I'll be sitting in a plane seat all on my lonesome to get where I'm going if Cal is leaving earlier for Mali". My face is blank and its clear to see I am lost. "What are you two on about?!" I demand, getting tired of guessing.
Cal grabs my hands "I know its soon,  and its rushed and it isnt easy to drop your things and get on a plane in a day-but I have a ticket and I'd love to see you there-you could go with Ash-he's great company" I fear the sound of me swallowing could have broken the earth apart, but nobody seems to notice-nobody but Ash of course who seems to be loving this. Someone walks through the cafe door at that moment, ringing the bell and turning their attention away from me-giving me a split second to think straight. "Um, well I-" I start- Ash's knee finds mine under the table so that once again my legs are tucked in between his, and I feel Cals hand burn through mine- I secretly thank God that this table has a long table cloth to conceal what is going on underneath it. I'm lost for words and I honestly don't know what to say- a question pops into my head to make matters worse-it asks me: if I said yes, who would I be saying yes to?...