Make Your Move...before it's too late

Part Eight

Standing in the doorway of Ash's house I ask myself what I am doing here, leaving Cal asleep without me by his side. Its 4 in the morning, I use this as an excuse for what I do next. Knowing I'll regret it I walk towards Ash. Putting my purse back on the countertop I sit on the stool, with my head in my hands I watch as he grabs another mug, making me a hot chocolate, pouring some brandy into both mugs he slides it over the bench towards me. "Here, you must be cold", I shiver, letting my body admit to it. Ash comes around the counter and sits in the stool next to me, facing his body towards me, placing the mug down, he reaches over to me and spins my stool to match his, pulling his stool in closer so that my bare legs are in between his. We chat for a while, forgetting about the time, about the places we should be and the people we should be with, or more importantly the person we shouldn't be with...each other...but I see it in his eyes, and it reflects in mine, how badly we do want each other. Still cold, and a little drunk we move to the couch. He sits down and sinks into the cushions. I stand in front of him, he looks at me with pleading eyes, he reaches out his hand, I stay standing. "Come here" he says and grabs my hips and pulling me onto him, my legs on either side of his hips, I'm sitting in his lap. He leans back, breathing out loudly, I lean into him, sliding my hand under his shirt, un buttoned at the top, my cold hand makes him shiver, I don't move it away, instead I look into his eyes, watching them light up with the slightest touch. I like the power he gives me. I take my hand off and sit back. We simply look at each other for a while until he grows too impatient. He is sweet, and caring when he asks me "can I take this off?", I nod and he pulls off Cals sweater over my head, throwing it behind us I watch it fall by the door, the door I was walking out of only short moments ago.
He looks at me in awe and pulls me tight to him, holding my face he leans in and kisses me on the forehead, its soft and gentle, and I didn't expect it. I pause "are you okay Ash?", there is a long pause, I lift my head up to look into his eyes. His body tenses, showing how strong he is really trying to be, his mind battles with his heart and its written on his face. I move my leg back from over him, and instead sit on the couch next to him, my legs lay softly over his so I'm sitting my his side. "It's okay Ash. Its okay" he looks me in my eyes and kisses me, fast and rushed. I know why, he wants me but he knows he can't have me, his strength in that moment gives me enough to pull away, pick up my purse, pull Cal's jumper back on over my head and walk out of the door. Stopping I turn to look back at him. He hasn't moved from the couch, he sits staring forward as I close the door and walk away.
By the time I get back to Cal the sun is almost fully up. I ask the uber driver to park around the corner to make sure I don't wake up Cal. When I get back to the car out front of my apartment the note I left is gone, I panic for a second before seeing Cal still sound asleep inside the car, meaning the note wasn't needed anyway. Now that the sun is up I ring the bell of the apartment block and ask my neighbour to let me in, finding the spare keys to my door under the front mat I walk into my apartment and put my purse on the counter. I change into a mini black dress with a white t-shirt underneath, matched with black converse and white laces. Tying my hair into braids I look out the window to see if Cal is awake in the car yet, he looks up right as I look at him and waves, it makes me laugh. His expression is confused but happy as he opens the sun roof of the car, sits up and cups his hands, yelling "Rapunzel rapunzel let down your hair-" he cuts himself off in giggles-he must be a morning person. I yell down to him to come upstairs. He arrives at the door, I left it open for him. He walks in and sees me in the kitchen, grabbing a pan and holding 2 eggs in my hands he comes over behind me and hugs me. It's sweet and makes me happy, which makes me feel even more guilty, thankful that Ash and I stopped before it went too far. I'm not used to this feeling of guilt, I never lie, and I see why now. Cal sees his sweater on the countertop and grabs it, seeing as though I don't need it anymore-having showered and changed. Underneath his sweater is my purse, "oh, I thought you lost your purse", I try my best not to freeze on the spot, cracking the egg in the pan I tell him "oh yeah, so that unknown number call last night, it was Ash..." , he replies "Ash? Ashton? Like my Ash?", I nod, scrunching up my face, thankful that my back is faced to him. I explain that I left it at the party and he found it and called me with the number left in the purse and then he ordered an uber for me to come over and grab it. I continue, "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to wake you and he'd already gotten the car so I just went and grabbed it". I don't think my story sounds bad, and it's not far from the truth, just with a portion left out, but still I worry of his suspicion. "Oh, yeah nah I get it. Why didn't you just ask me to get it from him though?", here I lie, "oh, thats true, I'm not sure, I guess I didn't think of it". Cal drops the subject, not seeming to be worried about it, this hurts me. Of course he wouldn't be worried. Ash is his best friend, of course he wouldn't betray him...would he...did he? He did. It won't happen again. I won't let it happen again. Not when I'm with Cal.
"You eat eggs?" I ask. He smiles and nods gratefully in reply, offering to make coffee, I accept his offer and he asks what type I prefer, "well my favourite is iced coffee, if you're okay with that", "ooh you may be testing my skills there, but I'll try my best Lena" I laugh as he puts on a Gordan Ramsay voice, narrating his every move, "and now I will poor the milk into the coffee and ice, stirring it to perfection, oh look at that, perfection!". I join in on the fun, using the same voice I ask "and does Lena approve of Cals skills" leaning over Cal to take a sip of the coffee I make the conclusion "yes she does, Cal is very talented in the art of iced coffee making". Cal bursts into laughter at that, holding his stomach and leaning his head back his smile grows wide, and he bear hugs me, attacking me with kisses here and there. He moves his hands to hold my waist and leans back saying in a mock serious voice "let me show you what else I'm talented at" he raises an eyebrow and I laugh "that was the smoothest line I've ever heard", he pulls me in with the question on his face, badly wanting me to say yes, I reply with a giggle "but what about the eggs?", "oh fuck that eggs, well don't, let them burn, fuck me instead" this time he gives me chance to refuse, leading me to my bed, messy and un maid, in the same room as the kitchen, facing the counter and against the window...The eggs burn.
Afterwards we lay together for a while, cuddling and giggling and being stupid, chewing gum and popping them in each other faces, making a mess and I'm glad. We decide to go out for brunch, having burnt breakfast and well uh, 'talked' for hours that it's no longer breakfast time. My phone rings and its Ash. I panic, not knowing what to do. Cal sees who's calling and answers it himself, being closer to the phone it makes sense. I hold my breath. They chat for a while, thankful that Cal talked before Ash had a chance to say anything and then he puts the call on speaker. Somehow Cal mentions we are going out to brunch and Ash asks if he could join, god knows why but Cal seems happy that Ash isn't acting 'weird' anymore so I agree, hoping it will clear things over with their friendship, not worried about our secret getting out, Ash wouldn't sabotage himself, why would he? Cal and I get ready to leave and while I lock my door Cal puts his hands in his pocket and I hear paper ruffle, as he pushes it down deeper.  His face seems like he just got caught lying, but he brushes it off fast. Unsure of whether it was the note I left him or not, I'm thankful I told him where I'd gone, not wanting to be caught in a lie I'd never be able to dig myself out of. I turn around and he looks so sweet and cuddly in the doorway with the light hitting the highlight of his hair, he smiles down at me and I reach up and run my hands through his curls, happier than I've been in a while. He grabs my hand and we leave my apartment to meet Ash at the cafe.