Madness.

12.

Breath.

Repeat.

Breath.

Repeat.

Smile.

It's not enough.

Smile harder.

Good. Now laugh. Laugh and make them all believe its real. Don't let them know you're hurting. You must be perfect. Only for tonight. 

Don't stop.

No matter how much you want to.

Because what you want doesn't matter.

And we both know that never works out for you.

Breath.

You're forgetting. 

Breath.

Arthur held her hand as they walked down the grand stairs. His smile beamed through the room, shined above all the chandeliers in this place. He looked at her the way I thought he looked at me. He looked at her like she was his everything. Melina smiled at him too, she grinned like a child does on christmas. She grinned like he was her world. The crowds gawked at my younger sister, staring in utter awe. She was the most beautiful thing in the room. She was always the most beautiful thing in the room. Her dress flowed down the stairs with layers resembling rose petals, her jewelry shone like all the stars. I looked away. I looked away because people can't stare at the sun forever and I have already blinded myself with tears.

"We'd like to thank you all for coming tonight. This means a lot to us both and we are so glad to have you witness the beginning of our journey together" Arthur said as he looked down t the woman in his arms. The crowd cooed in awe. "I'd like to start this off with a toast, actually. In celebration of the woman who has stood by me through my darkest times-" I wanted to laugh. I wanted to burst into laughter at his remark. Who was there for him when his mother died. Me. Who was there when his father ran off with another woman and never came back. Me. Who was there when he thought he wasn't enough to run the company. Me. Who stayed up with him for weeks on end when he had work to finish. Me! Dammit me! Where was she for all of that? Was she with you for all of that. Had you been cheating even then?

"Baby, I just want to say thanks you - for being the most amazing woman in the world. For being my perfect match"

Everyone raised their glasses in unison and then the celebration began. I walked out to the empty balcony, tired and alone and bitter. I had no more tears left. Only a sadness that consumed me from the inside.

I made my way to the edge, leaning against the stone fence. I eye'd how far down it went. My breathing hitched as I thought about jumping. As I thought about how no one would even notice, let alone care.

"We had a deal, Rain" I heard Blue's voice murmur from behind me.

"I'm aware blue...besides I was only curious to know how far down it went. I wasn't gonna do it" I told him as I turned to face him. He looked gorgeous, he stood in a tight fitted blue suit with his hair neated slicked back. His stubble was neatly cut. His eyes were less blue than they used to be. "And call me Belle. I don't care for that name anymore"

"I see." He said as he walked beside me "How have you been?" He asked after some time.

"Depends. How much do you value my honesty?" I asked as I gazed into the cool eyes I'd grown to miss.

"Highly" He replied.

"I'm miserable. Completely and utterly destroyed" I whispered. "What about you?"

"I'd say about the same" He laughed "Better now that I'm with you"

"I see you haven't lost your charm" I laughed, heartily.

"I see you haven't lost your smile" He replied awestruck. "It's been so long since I've seen it"

"Why hadn't you visited me yet?" I diverted the topic. "You said you would"

"I was having trouble accepting that you're going to die soon. I still am" He said gravely.

"That's understandable" I shrugged "but I've missed you"

"Me too. More than I think you realise" He replied. "How long do you..."

"2 months" I sighed in disinterest "They want an autumn wedding"

"You're still so sure-"

"I won't change my mind, Blue. You know this."

"I thought you'd change your mind" We stood there in warm silence, filled with creaking of frogs and violins of crickets in the calmness of the night. His phone began to rage aloud in his pocket and though he tried to ignore it I knew he was a businessman, I knew work was important.

"You should take that" I told him.

"No. This is more important"

"That call could potentially affect longer than the next two months. Answer it, I'll be here when you finish" I convinced him. Begrudgingly he answered as he walk away to somewhere quieter, leaving me alone again

"You look beautiful" A foreign voice announce. I turned around to see Arthur. Glorious in his royalty as he held his fists in his pockets.

"You should thank Melina. She chose the dress" I tried to run away but a hand reached out, holding me still. Sending familiar shivers and sparks throughout my body.

"I've been wanting to speak to you" Arthur said gently.

"We have absolutely nothing to speak about" I told him.

"I've missed you. A lot actually. Our house still feels empty without you in it and I... I'm so sorry. I know that what happened is unacceptable and that is apology will most likely fail to beyond comprehension-"

"Arthur-"

"I'm not happy with her." He blurted. "After you left I thought being with her was the next best thing. But she isn't you. She isn't what I want"

"You don't know what you want" I laughed.

"I do. I want you. I want us to try again"

"I'm crazy, Arthur. Not a fool" I told him. "Don't lie to me"

"I'm not. Tell me you don't still love me and I'll let you go. I'll marry her"

"I can't do that" I laughed sadly. Looking up the face I was still in love with. People make it seem like you can just stop loving a person. People make it seem like just because you meet someone, the feelings from before just fade away. Lies. They are lies. The best kind.

"No, I think you can" He replied as if he knew the answer. He was always so confident.

"Of course I still love you, Arthur. I love you so, so much. So much that I-" I stopped talking. I didn't want to keep doing that. I simply smiled up at him. Biting my lips to conceal a truth he isn't meant to hear.

"You what?" He asked as he got closer to me. I didn't reply.

"In case you're either blind or oblivious her evasiveness means she doesn't want to speak to you" Blue growled in annoyance, ripping me from Arthur's arms and pulling me to his side as he faced off Arthur. They were both intimidating men, tall and muscly filled to the brim with an alluring masculinity.

"I believe she can make her own decisions" Arthur growled in return. They both looked to me as if asking me to make a difficult choice.

I pulled myself away from Blue. I looked at the both of them with the kind of sadness people write songs about. I turned on my heel and left the balcony. I made my way back into the building. Where ever I could find the booze.