Solangelo One Shots

Never Enough AU

Hi everyone! Sorry for the late update- I was really sick and busy this weekend, so I couldn't post this chapter. This is an angsty AU with some death, murder, and depression, among other things, so I would definitely recommend viewer discretion. This is also in Nico's POV, just to clear up confusion, in case there is some. The song above is the heavily autotuned cover of the song Never Enough by James Charles and Cimorelli, and the song gave me inspiration for the one shot, in case you guys wanted to listen to it. I hope you enjoy!

Anything and everything you do will be useless. You can't save her, Nico. Let her go.

Those bone-chilling words echoed in my head, causing me to be blinded by a curious mixture of rage and sorrow for a moment. I sometimes wondered if those words were the climax of my life, whether they tied together all the hopelessly lost strings that made my existence. Although they had been uttered nine years ago, it still felt like the moment that defined me. The moment I realized that I wouldn't be able to save my sister.

I had always thought that I would come through for Hazel. I had rescued her from CPS when she was eleven, and we had been inseparable ever since. She had been that one person who could get me to tear down my walls, even just for a moment. She had helped me put the pieces back together after my other sister, Bianca had died.

So when she had been murdered right in front of my eyes by my own father, I had crumbled. I had stood there like a puppet, mouth open, screaming. I hadn't been strong enough- I wasn't worthy. I would never be enough. I had failed the only person I had loved. Now I had to prove to Hazel that I loved her. Any way I could.

Seeing Hazel being murdered had opened my eyes in a way that I knew nobody would understand. The monster inside me had awakened. I was too late. My father's words were correct: I was useless.

Too useless to control myself after Hazel died, too useless to stop watching my father suffocate to death in front of me, too useless to move on. It wasn't that I was a murderer. It was what Hazel would have wanted.

My family has always had an affiliation with death- some kind of spirit inside of us. We were different- we had an insatiable hunger, something that burned inside our stomachs. Bianca had it, and so did my father and I. It always led to our demise, somehow, twisting and turning inside us until it hurt the ones we loved most. Ever since Hazel died, it seemed like there was less of me and more of this monster. But I welcomed the change, it numbed the painful feelings I held over my sister's deaths. After all, it made me feel like I could be enough. And that would be enough.

---

I knew it from the first time I saw him. He was special. He was different. I saw it from the way that he smiled to himself at a joke that only he understood and how he was tall but slouched so he would be closer to my height. I noticed the way he grinned from his eyes and his face crinkled like he truly loved whoever he was speaking to.

I had bumped into him, books flying everywhere in the crowded hallway. But at that moment, when I saw his turquoise eyes, I couldn't care less that I had lost my expensive graphing calculator. Will had lifted my books off the ground, handed them to me, and bravely gave me his number.

Two weeks later, we were dating. I still couldn't believe it. He was so far out of my league, I was convinced that we were going to break up.

I trusted Will with all of my heart. In fact, he was my heart and soul. I had no one left besides him. And for a while, I was enough.

But that feeling was quick to pass-I felt guilty for not telling Will about my hideous past. So I told him about Hazel and Bianca's death, and how I hadn't done enough for them. I left out the parts about never being enough, and the spirit inside of me. And he embraced my flaws with open arms. That was when I knew that he was the one for me. It was only a matter of time.