「 days without you 」

xxii.

Monday 6:07pm 3 September 2018

I don't write, but everyday, 

I cannot push you away from my mind.

I wake up and it's not the first thing I remember, 

maybe it's the second or third. 

and it's stopped hurting. 

it stopped.

I welcomed the knowledge of a deeper astrology 

into my mind and today I wanted to see 

where we went wrong, 

if I could find the answers 

in the stars aligned.

to find your Venus, Mars and ascendant signs- 

I needed to know your time and place of birth.

and fuck, I don't know.

how can I not know?

how did I suddenly know so little of you?

today I want to write a list, maybe it'll help. 

"just collect them all, remember to do that 

the next time you write," I tell myself. 

my list of reasons of why 

I didn't want to be with you.

and this is how I found out 

how to finally say

good bye.