If I didn't care

CHAPTER 2 "truths" (Rose)

Rose Solano.

Born Clara Ruvelle.

Attorney turned solicitor.

From drug lord to trophy wife.

Even though she was dead the one person behind Luisa's kidnapping was Mutter.

It had to be her.

Her people were the only ones with enough balls to cross me.

Mutter. Or mother should I say?

I wasn't always like this. I repeated this mantra so much I almost believed it. 

Almost.

She was never a real mother to me. I still remember when she would threaten to break my arm if I went anywhere near her office. I should have listened to her. But I loved to push her buttons and thought her threats were empty. So, naturally I did. She broke my arm. I never screamed or cried. I didn't even flinch, I heard my bones grind and crack. My father drove me to school then the nurse called an ambulance. When I was healed I drowned her cat. I didn't want to. But every time I saw the damned thing it reminded me that she had won. I made it's death quick and painless. Simple mother daughter activities. She hated me from the minute she saw me. Devious she called me. Now that had a nice ring to it. She informed my father I needed counselling, that there was something unsettling and twisted about me. She was right.

I got diagnosed at the age of 13. A classic textbook sociopath. Not the greatest self confidence boost.

They could take everything from me. Gut my entire room. And I would remain emotionless. I only really felt anything when I killed things. How horrifically cliche of me. But it's true.

In high school there was an incident. The so called notorious teapot incident. I've never told anyone and never will. It's the only thing I really regret. Because of my tendencies and attitude I didn't have a lot of friends. I was popular. Charming and utterly fake. But then most teens are. 

I was 28 when I got into the drug business. Right in the middle of my blossoming law career. It was the best move I had ever made. The worst was falling for Luisa. But hey, at least I felt something when I was with her. But then again, that doesn't necessarily mean that it was worth it. 

I cringed at myself, reminiscing again. I couldn't stand looking at Luisa. It made my chest tight and ache. She reminded me of all the shit I put her through. That I was the main cause of all her pain. Maybe I should of let her go. Let our story end for good. It was only a matter of time before something serious happened. Love or death? I was greedy, I wanted both. 

When I was in hiding. Finally apart from her. I thought about us. We could never be anything. Yet I still contacted her. Wanted her to be mine. It was selfish. If I really cared I should of let her go instead of leading her along like this. For god sake she could've died. They would've done it without hesitation if it wasn't for my mole. 

He told me it wasn't a real kidnapping. It was a warning. That if it happened again it would be real. Real, I snorted. It was real to her, and thats all that mattered to me. How could I have been so stupid. Of course they were going to kidnap her. I was Sin Rosetro the most notorious drug lord in the world. Why wouldn't they? I know I would've if I was in their shoes. 

But, she was never in real danger, he wouldn't have let anything happen to her. Yet it felt so real, like a dream. 

Confusing as it was I wish it was real. At least then I'd feel guilt. Remorse. Something. But I didn't. Why should I? Knowing that nothing happened. But something did. Luisa wouldn't look at me. I could tell she wanted to roll out the car and run away. But yet again. I couldn't let her escape now I had her. 

It wasn't even selfish. It was psychologically abusive. Manipulative. It was me 

I don't know why she put up with it. Was she too scared to leave me? I had to find out. 

My throat burned and caught in the cool air as I asked calmly. 

"Why don't you leave me?" 

"What?'

"Luisa, you heard me."

"Why would you ask me that?"

"I just don't understand why you put up with me, and if you say its because you love me I will stop this car and puke."

"That's a bit dramatic, even for you." 

I pulled a face, awaiting her response.

"I don't know."

"C'mon there must be a reason."

"Stop pushing me."

"JUST TELL ME! I JUST DONT GET IT. IM AWFUL. IM MANIPUATIE. IM A FUCKING SOCIOPATHIC BITCH WHO WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE. IF I WERE YOU I WOULD'VE LEFT A LONG TIME AGO YET YOU KEEP COMING BACK." 

I sat back in shock, preparing for the storm. 

"Don't say that. Don't ever compare yourself to me. Or judge my decisions. I know what and who you are. Im sorry if you don't 'get' it. But I want you. I want to be with you. For fuck sake I nearly jumped off a bridge because my life was going down the drain. Until you came into my life I wasn't really living. You are my everything. Without you what am I? An addict. Disowned by my family. Unemployed. Divorced. Need I go on?'

"I don't believe you."

"FINE. You don't have to believe me. You don't have to do anything. I just got kidnapped but nooooo act like everything is fine. You know what. You're right you are a sociopathic bitch. I wish you hadn't come into my life and ruined it. I wish I never laid eyes on you."

"Now who's being dramatic. Forgot to tell you love! You were never really kidnapped."

Shit. Why did I have to pour fuel into the fire. 

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"I-I look- it's- I didn't know how to"

"STOP THE CAR." 

"Wha-why?"

"I need to get away from you. Stop the car. NOW."

Just as she said that a black van drove right into the side of the car. My head smashed off the steering wheel, I reeled back, feeling warm blood roll down my face. The last thing I saw was Luisa screaming as they dragged her from the car.