What She Forgot

Chapter Two

picture of Ariana Brooks above (played by Nina Dobrev)

It kind of sucks.

By it I mean my life.

Seriously. This has got to be a sick joke! Christ, I thought my life would be better than this. I'm tired of nothing going right for me. In anyway or form, nothing goes right for me. You know, when Ariana and I began talking, I thought maybe. Just maybe, I thought my life is turning around.

I thought wrong.

It's true that I didn't have feelings for Ariana like Jai thought. I thought she was gorgeous and I was intrigued, but it wasn't feelings. It was just attraction and interest. When Ariana and offered me the deal, the one where we would fake a relationship, I thought she was crazy. The idea was crazy but I agreed. I thought "What if this turned out like a fanfiction? What if we fall for each other?"

I wasn't completely against the idea.

Ariana turned out to be a dream. She was funny, sarcastic, and had a fiery spirit. She was also kind. Not to mention, she's absolutely beautiful. Her beauty had originally attracted me to her, but her personality made me fall. I fell for Ariana Brooks deep. Eventually, I didn't have to pretend I had feelings for her anymore.

She didn't feel the same way.

Next thing I know, she's telling me that we can't pretend anymore. Then, she's dating my friend. Can't say I'm surprised though. Shawn gets all the girls. He's the kind, sensitive, and talented kind. When they became public, I wasn't surprised. But, Christ, I was hurt.

I dumped Lycia. I started dating Lycia two days after Ariana ended it. Lycia was willing to jump into a relationship with me right away. I needed a distraction. When I saw Shawn and Ariana holding hands in the cafeteria, something inside me snapped. Suddenly Lycia couldn't distract me from Ariana anymore. So I dumped her.

I started dating Olivia soon after. She served to be a better attraction. She liked kissing. Kissing brought my mind off of Ariana. But she was so easy. If I didn't want to do what she wanted, she would switch to my side. Ariana never would've done that. She would've fought for herself. I kept comparing the two of them. It reminded me of Ariana too much. So I dumped her.

Sabrina turned out to be a great distraction. I did ask for a break though, to see if Morgan was a better distraction. But Morgan wasn't a good kisser so I figured, what the hell. Sabrina would make do. It was easy to pretend I was in love with Sabrina.

There was this idea I had. It was that maybe if I pretend to love her, eventually I'll believe it and love her.

God, I'm so sick. No wonder Ariana never had feelings for me. I can't believe anyone does. I'm an awful person.

I'm selfish. Selfish describes me in one word. Here I am, hating my life when Ariana's fighting for her life. I should be praying she makes it through, not being a selfish asshole hating my own life. I shouldn't be hating my own life.

Not when Ariana might not have a life anymore.

God, I hate myself.

My biggest regret, though? It's that I didn't tell Ariana I had feelings for her the second I felt them. Something could've happened between us. We could've become real. I could have experienced a real relationship with the sweetest girl in the world. Of course, I didn't do anything to get that.

I'm so fucking selfish.

All I can do now is hope that Ariana pulls through. So what if I didn't get her to be mine? All I want is for her to be alive.

Life has a strange way of making us think we're lucky. I didn't get the girl I wanted. I throw girls' hearts away without a second thought. Ariana got in a car accident.

I just hope life is in my favor this time.