Random Things \( • ~•)/

All My Fault

It's all your fault. It's all your fault. It's all your fault.

Those were the only thoughts swarming the girl's mind.

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she heard the upset voices from the living room. From her perch on the kitchen counter, she could hear everything. She rapidly blinked away the tears as she looked down at her milk, lifting her glasses so they wouldn't get stained.

If would've just kept your freaking mouth shut, things would be alright still.

The tears came faster, and she tried everything she could to stop them, to silence them. She knew the words were not exactly true, but not exactly false.

It's just anxiety talking, she said to herself, but to no avail.

Her father suddenly entered the kitchen. His face was stony, and cold. It wasn't the first time she had seen this look. It certainly would not be the last.

See what talking leads too? She scolded herself as her father left with a glass of water. Everyone is upset, and it's because of you.

She slowly hopped down and approached the dining room table. Her mother was now there, putting in a new set of blinds for the French doors. The girl voiced some of her feelings, but she was met with mostly silence.

Ha! Even your own mother, whom you could always count on, is upset. What have you done?

The girl shushed the voice l, and suddenly her younger sister appeared, her face covered with tears.

The girl didn't need to pay much attention to the conversation. She had heard it a thousand times. Sister 2 had done something to upset Sister 1 and she proceeded to blow everything out of proportion. Her mother followed the girl out of the room to, once again, solve a ridiculous issue.

Look at how petty your sister is! This is definitely not the first time you've seen this issue, and the girl agreed with her mind's voice on this one.

You realize that she is part of the root issue here? It's not all you. You can feel the annoyance radiating off of your mother, and yourself, the last sane part of her brain argued.

"Where have you been this entire time?" She mumbled.

The girl found herself standing up, and following the sounds of people. She ended up in one of the bedrooms, where two of her sisters and mother were.

The tension weighed on the girl's whole body as she sat down next to them.

Suddenly her mother had jumped into another lecture. It wasn't necessarily a lecture as much as telling the three of us what we're doing wrong.

I told you. Everyone blames you, the girl turned out her mother's words. You were completely wrong, arguing with yourself. You always lose. Look at this mess. Even your mother blames you. And that bit about anxiety you pulled earlier? You haven't even been diagnosed with that. So, this must be all true.

The battle in her mind continued. She didn't know which side of her mind she should believe. They were both her. Were they both right?

She fiddled with the Band-Aid on her right hand. She had accidentally sliced her knuckle on a wooden shelf and she made her sister's bed. It hadn't even hurt. Actually, it felt kind of nice. Sometimes she wonders what it would feel like to have that happen on her wrists. They tingle sometimes, like they are waiting for it. She would never, ever do it, but she occasionally still wonders.

She looked down at her right ankle. This is where she has her permanent anklets. Every time one falls of, a wish is granted. She didn't believe that, but it was fun to pretend. She only had one left. With one swift motion, she ripped it off herself.

"So much for that wish," she muttered, a sad, crooked smile on her face.

She didn't know which part of herself would win the battle. She kind of thinks all sides will lose. What will she do then?

What will I do then?