33. Spiralling

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Do you know the feeling, when for a long time you don't feel the weight of sadness towering over you, pulling you down, and you actually start yearning it? Like happiness and freedom is a drug that your body just cannot digest? You keep throwing up all that's good as your mind slowly and desperately trying to crawl its way back to that dark cave where light never shines. Why do I yearn the darkness I fear the most? Do I deserve pain? Do I deserve this fear to trust and believe that people care for me?

Maybe I am made with darkness, sculpted by the hands of fear and the blood and tears of self hatred. Maybe I will never escape the ghost of my own miserable self.

I am stuck forever in a doorless, windowless room, and the air is running out.

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