The Tales of a Professional Hockey Player

Chapter 6: No

~Ben~ 

Why did I say that? I had planned on saying so much more than just "hi," but the words blocked in my throat when I heard her voice. She reciprocated the word, her eyes on the bottle in my hand. I shook hands with her father, gave Josephine a kiss on each cheek, and Eleanor introduced us to the mystery woman. I took a moment to rejoice over the fact that Matthew is nowhere to be seen. Hannah, the mystery blonde, is the editor who worked on her book's assistant. They quickly became friends as they talked about literature. All of this, I know because she told Olive who happens to be sitting next to me. Eleanor hasn't given me another look since I walked on the balcony. To avoid looking at her, I focus on Ophelia who is sitting in Thomas' lap. Her hair is darker than in the last picture I saw. She's also a lot bigger and a lot taller. I want to hold her so badly, but I don't want to speak as if my voice could break the happy atmosphere we fell in. So, I just stare at my daughter who is chewing on a toy giraffe.

"You want to hold her?" her father asks, his voice soft enough so only I could hear. I nod but look at Eleanor who spotted us talking. "She won't keep you from whishing your daughter a happy birthday. That's why she invited you," he adds. I nod again, my heart beating faster than ever in my chest as he lifts her up over the table to hand her to me. Ophelia's smile is big when Thomas moves her from side to side as if she was walking. I put my hands over his and continue the same movement, hoping to keep her laughing. She's heavier than I remember.

"Hi," I repeat after sitting her in my lap, her face towards me. I don't know why, but it seems to be the only word I remember. My daughter smiles at me, wanting to hand me her giraffe. "Happy birthday, Ophie," I add, remembering why I'm here. I can feel tears form in my eyes when I think of all the days I missed. Every smile and every sound she made during the last six months; I wasn't there to see. I give her a kiss on the top of her head, making her laugh.

I didn't notice the silence until somebody coughed. I don't know who it was, but it broke the bubble I had locked myself in with Ophelia for the past hour or so. I kept talking to her and making crazy faces to make her laugh. Every time it worked, pride fled through me, igniting the desire to amuse her again. Time went by quickly until I heard the coughing sound that brought me back to reality. I looked around me to see everyone staring at me, including Eleanor. She had a small smile on her face as she watched Ophelia laugh. Thomas and Will were laughing too until Eleanor got up and walked to me. Her smile was gone, only to be replaced by a frown and a stern look.

"Time to change your diaper, missy," she announced, extending her arms to grab Ophelia.

"Ella, you just changed her. C'mon," her father said, getting up. I never thought Thomas Martin would take my side, but seeing how he follows Eleanor inside, I have the feeling that he disapproves his daughter's actions.

"It's fine," I say to the others who are looking at me some with an apologetic look, the others with a disappointed look. The three of them come back outside a few minutes later. The only difference I see is that Ophelia is now wearing a hat.

"How about we open the presents?" William asks to relieve the weight of the silence that fell upon us. We all agree. Ophelia first opens Eleanor's gift. I say open, but she mostly touches the paper and tries to put it in her mouth as Eleanor unwraps it. I pay little attention to the scene in front of me. I'm too focused on the stress slowly filling my chest as time goes by. Everyone put their present on the table, but I kept mine at my feet. One after the other, the other guests push their present towards Eleanor, so she can open them for our daughter. As I see the expensive boxes of toys, the new stroller and the pile of clothes everyone bought, I reconsider my choice of gift. What will Eleanor think? Everyone else spent tons of money while I only spent about thirty dollars. I decide to keep my gift to myself for now. I'll give it to her when we're alone, if that ever happens.