I can't believe I've been blaming my brother for his death this whole time and he couldn't even control it he didn't pick up the gun and shoot his self that was so selfish
" also you don't need to blame yourself most importantly you had nothing to do with it you were young nobody didn't want to put you in the middle of this drama they didn't want you to have to pick trust me we all go through it don't blame yourself you didn't show him I say once again you did not shoot her it's not your fault Stay With Me" she grabbed my hand
" it's not my fault" we said in union and i broke down crying
" yes that's what you needed you needed to let it go you need to cry it out stop always trying to be so tough you're not built to be tough as ladies we are very emotional and will we try to take on things that the guys can do normally we end up hurting herself they know and they're trained from birth on how not to cry we're not we're emotional creatures we need this we need to cry out our problems or we're going to hurt herself" she rubbed my back
" I just don't know what to do is like everybody in this world hates me I keep getting my heartbroken people keep leaving me why and I love all of them I still love all of them I love the people that I'm around but it's just like they keep doing me wrong and I don't know what I'm doing wrong" i cried
" baby isn't that about them doing you wrong everybody makes mistakes but if somebody keeps making the same mistake and the same mistake that's when you know they're not right to be in your life but if they make a mistake and they try to fix it and they come back and I keep trying and they keep trying then give them their Kudos and let them know that you see it that you see them trying stop focusing on the bed and look at the good yes they might hurt you everybody's going to hurt you at some point and I can promise you that but I'm pretty sure you already knew that but it's about the people who come back and try to fix what they broke and don't make the same mistake they know it hurt you so they're not going to do it again but if they do it again that means they don't care nobody's perfect stop looking for everybody would be perfect" she sat back in her seat and hand me a tissue and i nodded
" now who was the second person to leave you"
" my oldest sister"
" how and why" she wrote something on her Notepad
" she left because of what my mom did to my brother by kicking him out and at this time they were going through things with my mom and dad but I never knew what was going on nobody ever told me anything but all I know is one day she just never came home and then she had called me on the phone one day and say goodbye in the house she couldn't stay in this house because of the way mom was acting and my mom only care about herself it and her man which I never understood why did she like my dad but that's something that's beyond me you understand what I'm saying" she nodded writing " I always wanted to ask her why did you leave me you know I just lost cam and you're just going to leave me like that why would you do that to me that's like both of y'all die I haven't talked to her in so long now I can say I'm very angry with her I just want to rip her head off her shoulders anytime I see her she has to fight me" i got angry at the thought
" why do she have to fight you"
" because if you knew Mom only care for herself and her meaning why would you leave me there knowing she wasn't going to care for me you were all I had left and you knew that but you left me... you decided to leave me for what I didn't do anything wrong to you" i shook my head and started crying
" have you tried to get in contact with her and maybe try to figure out why she left your old enough to know why she left now so she can't seem a little head and try to belittle the situation she can tell you now you maybe were too young to understand so she didn't tell you but you need to ask her for yourself if you can get ahold of her and if you can't either way you have to forgive her for you you have all the stuff weighing down on you why everybody just off living their life maybe a couple of people are maybe a couple of people are worried about you but your life doesn't matter that much to anybody but yourself so you remember that" i nodded
