Tarantula

I'm living but I'm feeling numb

                            Can see it in my stare

               I wear a mask so falsely numb

                    And I don't know who I am

                                   [...]

               
And when the thunder breaks

  It breaks for you and me

                                                    Tarantula

                           
  " Tarantula",  Beck

The Black Lake is perhaps the only thing she's going to miss about Hogwarts. On its shore, she spent more afternoons than she likes to admit.

Alone, since Newt left.

"I can't believe it's been seven years already," Bunty whispered as they lined up to receive N.E.W.T.'s results.
Leta stifled the urge to answer her I can't believe they haven't passed yet.

For seven years she has been seeing teenagers laughing, having fun, making friends. She has never been so carefree.

It seemed that the big clock in the courtyard was ticking backwards to her. One day she even sneaked into the tower where it was set on, intending to check that someone had not tampered with gears to make her another pathetic joke.

  It was there that she saw Newt for the first time, surrounded by nests, jars full of water and tiny cages.

The last two years have been hell without him. When you get used to having friends, it's harder to get used to being alone again.

Newt would say "if you prevent a hippogriff born in captivity from flying, he will always suffer less than a caught one".

But Newt is not there.

*

Leta doesn't care where she's going to end up working. She envies Newt, who has clearer ideas than her, and says he absolutely  doesn't want to work in office. 

One day, just for the sake of provoking, she tells him that after school she's going to apply for an internship at the Ministry.

Newt doesn't frown, - probably he's not even able to - he simply looks at her sideways, with his crooked smile.
He understood that Leta's lying.

Sometimes his perspicacity makes her feel naked.

Sometimes it makes her scared.

A life of secrets, a life of "I don't want to talk about it", a life to build an impenetrable canvas of lies...

And then, without having looked for it, without having wanted it, she found Newt. Newt, who understands everything.