ᴇᴜɴᴏɪᴀ • ᴇ.ᴅ + ɢ.ᴅ

1-

  "ᴛɪʟʟ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ"
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"yes."

"so you think life is pointless?"

i sighed. kids stuff. it's called having a nihilistic perspective and more than once too often it's got me in trouble with my therapist.

i just have a brain that thinks too deep and a mouth that doesn't know when to stop.

"yes. we're born, we die. it's inevitable. we spend our lives on a quest for happiness and meaning and love when in reality, the longer we spend at these pursuits the quicker it drives us to our grand end."

my tone was cold and monotone and my face was expressionless as i stared at my therapists watery, grey eyes. i could feel the other poor souls around me hang onto my every word like they were dangling from a cliff and i was the rope.

they did that a lot. not dangling from a cliff because i mean, face it. how many times can one dangle from a cliff before falling to their expected death.

i meant hang onto my every word, sometimes i felt like i was the only person awake in the room although asleep myself.

i guess grief and pain just affects me differently to others.

"see, the thing is, one can get through life not giving a shit about anybody, being rude and ungrateful with absolutely no friends at the same time as another who keeps up the same physical health yet puts blood, sweat and tears into achieving their goals and finding someone to spend their life with, yet still arrive at death. and after that, nothing is going to matter.

whether you found the love of your life or didn't, whether you achieved your ambitions or didn't, you die. just because you're a good person doing supposedly good things doesn't mean you get a free pass. yes, you may have enjoyed yourself but when you die, you aren't going to remember that. it's proven. life is pointless. have a good time or don't have a good time. it's not going to matter when you're dead or when humanity has come to its ultimate end."

i finished, moving my hand up to tuck my light brown hair behind my ear, feeling eyes on me from all round the room.

the therapist looked at me disapprovingly, shaking her head and writing down a few notes before holding my hazel eyes in her lifeless grey ones.

i arched eyebrow as i easily held eye contact, daring her to question me. and like every other time i've made her speechless at my outbursts. she didn't.

                                       •••

"madeline, a quick word please?"

i rolled my eyes as i turned around whilst everyone exited out the doors behind me. i put on a cheery smile. "how can i help you today rebecca?" my hand was holding onto the strap of my bag and the other resting on the table. my body language only emphasising the sarcasm in my voice. safe to say i did not like my therapist.

"how are you doing?" she asked, her voice soft and eyes sympathetic.

i resisted the urge to laugh as i bit my tongue. now she cares about my wellbeing?

"i'm doing the same as i always am, which, as it always has been, no one else's concern but mine."

"i see... i guess i will see you next week?" she sighed, expecting nothing less of me.