ᴇᴜɴᴏɪᴀ • ᴇ.ᴅ + ɢ.ᴅ

5-

"ɪᴛs ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ ᴅᴏɴt ᴡᴇᴀʀ ᴅʀᴇssᴇs."
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"what do you think happens when we die?" grayson asks softly, his voice like velvet, causing my head to practically hurt. he sounded off, though.

we sat on the small cliff by the beach, again. it was so secluded from the rest of the world that it felt like we were somewhere else completely.

we both had our hoods up due to the rain which fell from the sky and landed on the rock, causing the air to be filled with the pattering of them hitting it. it was a beautiful night.

"honestly, i don't know." i admitted, glancing at him slightly. he was next to me, our arms just about touching. he was gazing out at the sky, tensing and relaxing his jaw repeatedly. he was stressed.

"wow, madeline doesn't know something. that's a surprise." he joked, looking back at me with a slight grin on his face, but his eyes were also tense and dark.

he had text me earlier and asked if i was able to meet him, i'd asked if he was okay and he said no, but never explained.

"i'd like to think that it's peaceful, after death. i'd like to think it's the end we think it is. however i'd also like to think that there's something after, you know?"

"it makes sense." he nodded.

"can i ask you something?" he looked down at his hands and i looked up at him. "of course." i replied, awaiting the question.

"how do you do it?" his tone was almost sad and his voice was low. it was different to the usual jokey and sarcastic grayson i had come to know.

"do what?" i frowned in confusion at his words and his tone.

"knowing that you had a whole life before the accident but not being able to remember it? doesn't it hurt? isn't it hard not knowing who you really are?"

his question hit me like a bag of bricks. i knew the answers to all of them but, there was something about the way he said it. almost as though he was angry.

"yes," i started, fiddling with my hands and watching as the raindrops rolled off them. "it's hard. i guess i haven't forced myself to try and find who i am, i've just acted naturally and by instinct and hoped that's who i am and i guess it is. i'm not the same person as i was before. i died along with my family and a new person came out of it."

my voice was small and sad. i even felt my throat get thicker as the words became harder to form.

and i never get emotional.

"hey," grayson said, his voice was demanding and i felt a hand rest upon mine, my eyes meeting his in the low light of the night. his eyes isolating the world around us to just him and i, the feeling so indescribable, they held my gaze as my vision was solely him.

"it's not entirely a bad thing. okay? i like you, as you are now. i'm sorry for making you talk about it." his hand squeezed mine gently before retreating back, much to my disappointment.

i looked down, breaking the intense eye contact and then turning my head back out to the horizon, the line of red where the sun was completely out of view.

"why did you ask me to come, grayson?" my palm was faced up towards the sky, catching the cold rain that fell beautifully from the sky.

my arm was extended a far distance from my body as my eyes looked at it in wonder, watching as the water moved along with the movements of my hand, inspecting it rolling down the sides of my hand in awe.